Divorce looming #4

[MrBond]

SRTTF is right. WTF?!
She can't order you to do anything. You are the man in the house and are protecting your family like a lion to his pride.

When she confronted you, you should have calmly told her what you were doing and tell her to explain herself. Put her on the spot for a change.

And if you think for a minute that the OM was serious about continuing the A because of his W, you are badly mistaken. Your W is saying she doesn't give a damn about you and is going to go mess around whether you like it or not...la la la.

Get your self-respect back from her and turn things around in your court. I would have told the other man to back off, then told his W. She deserves to know what kind of scumbag her husband is. What do you think it's going to do to your W? Piss her off? She's already flaunting herself in front of you and telling you what you can and can't do.

Take control of your life for yourself and your kids. Ignore your W and don't give her the time of day. It sounds like your W is so insecure with herself that she needs the attention of others to show her how great she is.

All the sex stuff about how great it is, is all in her head. If she had the same emotional mindset towards you like she had with the other guy, you'd have mindblowing sex too. For women it's all about emotions. If they let you push the right buttons, they'll be happy.

She's acting like a spoiled brat right now. And sometimes spoiled brats need to be spanked (not physically of course). Draw your boundary with her. Tell her you will not be disrespected any more by her and end communication. Concentrate and love your kids.

[K4D]

Ya. I barely talked to her this morning. I pretty much ignored her. When she said bye as she left for work, I didn't respond.

Later on she IMs me and says she isn't against me. I didn't respond. Last night she almost fainted and fell on her back when she closed the door. I quickly caught her and brought her to the couch. She thanked me today for that. I said I wouldn't let anything happen to her. She said she knows.

This afternoon she actually started talking to me again. Trying to joke around with me. Not sure why. I went along with it.

Kevin

[K4D]

Do you think I should tell her I can't believe a word out of her mouth anymore? Or not?

Or should I just say nothing?

Kevin

[JDOllie]

I would say nothing - if you are still interested in saving your marriage you have to let the affair die off. I have heard that even when someone wants to "try again" - the affair still lingers for miscellaneous reasons.

She will need to be fully rejected, realize what she has done, and feel sorrow for it before you can begin.

I think I would avoid conversation because you're just going to be angry.

[MrBond]

Kev, I would just say that it's a matter of trust. Not just the lying. Just be honest and say that you've got an issue with trusting her. Everything is going to be suspect...what she says about herself, the kids, etc.

You've shown her what kind of person she is and now she's slowly trying to kiss your @$$. Again, trying to get attention. You're doing good at shrugging it off as being insincere. Get your power back in your relationship. If the anger starts to come out, then let it out. Just not in a scary way. Think of it like you're the parent who caught his child with her hand in the cookie jar.

Don't linger over the A. Just continue to grow stronger while working on yourself and taking care of the kids. I have a feeling she's going to turn around quick and then start blaming you for her A. It's usually what happens as a defensive mechanism.

[K4D]

Good advice yall. I appreciate it.

She is awfully nice all of a sudden now that all of this is out in the open. Although she is still getting her hotel room this weekend. Supposedly with a friend she works with. I'm like, ok, wink wink.

Kevin

[K4D]

Stuck,

She has already told me the affair was part of a healing process for her. huh? But that she still wants this D and she still wants OM. The best thing I can do is try and get this job tomorrow that I have an interview for and get out of the house. Ya, she will have more time for her thrills. But I'm not going to stop that anyways.
I think I need to move on and hope she has a coming to Jesus meeting. I will certainly take her back. But ya, trust is definitely lost and I don't know when that will return even if she does come back. Obviously I hope she comes back.

Kevin

[MrBond]

I forgot if you mentioned it earlier...does she own the house? If not, then I'd kick her butt to the curb. That's what I did to my W and I believe she respected me afterwards for it.

If your W is still going to pursue, then let her. I would even go so far as to warn the other guy and remind him about his W. He doesn't know how much you know and neither does your W. Let that fear linger over their heads. Or at least the OMs head. At least you can put a stop to that.

Right now your W is talking like mine when she was attracted to her boss. She was so "in love" with him that she wanted to leave everything for that. Truly pathetic.

[K4D]

My W's parents own the house that we are renting. I don't have any leverage there. She told me if I don't want the door to close on us forever, then I'd better not tell OMs W. She also wants me to sign the waiver of service after my job interview and the child custody agreement today. She did say that now I have OM scared. But that doesn't mean things might not start up again in a few weeks.

She says she doesn't trust me because I haven't kept all my promises about not snooping etc. But hey, I told her I don't trust her either for obvious reasons.

I'm debating on whether or not to tell OMs W. If I do and she D's him, it just puts my W and OM together. If I don't, I at least keep fear in them. My W hardly slept last night after not knowing if I will go to his W. I do want to save this M. I wonder now though if it will be saved either way though. Part of me tells me that OMs W needs to know what he is doing. But the other part of me wonders if that really permanently ends things for me and W after this D goes through if I do.

I'm having to really think this one over.

Kevin

[K4D]

Took my W to lunch today where we discussed the divorce. I told her I wanted primary residence for the kids. She said no. I basically said she has been an unfit mother this past year and the only reason she wants to move as far up north as she does is because that is where OM lives. I didn't think about saying afterwards that she also is always fixated on OM at all times and no longer focus'd on the kids. Even when she is out doing something with the kids she is texting him. And after the kids birthday parties she was telling him how annoyed she was and just ready to be done. Not comments from a mother who is that into her kids anymore. She always cannot wait to get away and be with him. How does this make her a fit mother?

Wooa, this made her fuming mad. She said the schools are better and her best friend lives there. I said I could believe that if OM didn't live there. She decided she will go ahead and have me served and get an attorney.

I told her if she wants to move closer inland towards Dallas then I can let the primary residence thing go. She said she will think about it. I said bring home the agreement tonite and lets agree on a closer better location limit. She said she might be willing to do that.

I think I might have one that battle. We'll see.

I reminded her on the drive back to work that I still struggle with not telling OM's W as she has every right to know what her husband has been doing. W didn't say anything. I just wanted to keep the fear in her and OM. I know she will tell him.

I wonder if they are still meeting for lunch so she can give him oral in his jeep infront of the restaurant. She had been doing that.

Honestly, I don't want to tell her for the primary reason that I don't want his kids having to go through what mine are. On top of that, if I do tell her, then my W ends up with him which she actually wants. I don't want that either. I'll just keep the fear factor up for a while.

She told me she wants me out of my room tonite, which used to be our room and that she wants her bed. I said that bed is community property. She said its hers. I said ok, go ahead and move the bed in from her room and she can move the one in my room out into her room. She got mad and said she is sleeping in my room tonite. I said ok. I am to. She is certainly welcomed to sleep in there with me. This really ticked her off.

Oh, and she said that I had agreed to primary residence and now changed my mind again. I said that was before this new information came out about her sleeping with OM. She said a few indiscrepancies doesn't make her an unfit mother. Is that all it was, just a few indiscrepancies? Didn't realize it was so minor. Whatever.

I'm not taking her crap anymore. I am finally standing up for myself. She can throw all the threats she wants at me. But they aren't phasing me anymore. She told me we are definitely over and she can't stand the sight of me and don't bring her to lunch anymore. I said I thought we were going to discuss the D stuff which we did. She is just mad because I didn't cave on my new demands. She may not like me and she may not even respect me right now, but she knows that I am not walking off with my tail between my legs anymore.

At this point, DBing is dead. She hates me. Wants me to have no part of her life except through the kids.

So she wants me out by Monday. Not until Monday though because she still wants her hotel this weekend. I may leave Friday or Saturday just to inconveniance her. I haven't decided.

Last night she told me it will be YEARS/DECADES before she can consider anything with me again. That pretty much writes off this M for now.

Yet, I still want to fix things. Strange isn't it? Even after all of this.

Kevin