That would certainly work. The only downside would be if either of us ever decided not to pay, or couldn't pay. Then the other would be stuck. But it would be the easiest way through. I'm thinking if we do each of the financing deals with only one of us on the paperwork (as long as we qualify), and then do the quit claims, that might work ok, too.
We can ALWAYS back up to talk about the kids!
I think that they will not be surprised. I think they will be relieved and disappointed at the same time. I think that as long as we can keep things "functional", they won't be totally crushed. But, I need to be ready for anything!
There's no reason you can't do the new ones in separate names.
You can agree that it is your separate debt in the D agreement. As long as the lender's rely on your separate income and they're in your separate names, a court would probably find they were separate debt anyways.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Jeff, just stopping by to say hi! So glad that you seem relieved that the decision is made. You went above and beyond, my friend and I see you are still trying to do the right thing by your family. That does come back around, I am sure of it.
You might want to get a book about telling the children. My C gave me one. I'll try to find it. It did help me find the right words.
W is in contact with a Realtor and a loan officer, so I think she will be getting good answers to the question pretty soon. She hopes tomorrow. So then the financial plan will be pretty well known.
I think I will always have a tiny bit of wondering about whether I did enough. But I am pretty comfortable with myself. I'm not losing sleep over it.
hey my knight you still up? omg its empty here, i care more about the empty than the mess he made making it empty.
M 36 XH 34 3 children If a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand. Mark 3:25 "your mood swings are giving me whiplash" twilight ALIVE FREE AND HAPPY 2010
Just checking in Jeff. I know it is weird to look at houses with your spouse, I still find it surreal that H is talking to me about the work he is doing on HIS 'new' house....very strange. But my kids are actually excited to see the new house. If you two keep it calm and try not to uproot the kids too much from their normal routines, it may not be too bad...
(((((BG))))) Hope you are surviving today! I know you want to fix the house right, but take care of yourself first. If the kids see firsthand what he did it isn't all bad. It's not up to you to cover for him.
(((((mishka))))) None of this is easy. I have been really trying to find the good in things that we don't like. Sometimes it helps, I Think.
(((((BobbiJo))))) I told W I would help her setting things up, etc. It just seems right. That's all I can go with.
W talked to a loan officer today, and is preapproved for a mortagage on her end. All she needs is the downpayment money. Well, and a house to buy... So, I went and talked to the same person, figuring that if everything else is equal, that might help smooth the series of transactions. It turns out that there is a difference in the interest rate from a regular cash out refinance, and one to buy out a spouse! Who knew?! When you buy out the spouse, the rate is the same as an original loan, which is a bit less than a cash out refinance. So, that's good news. The bad news is that when you do that, you can't get cash out. And I would like some of that. Anyway, it looks like either way things work, as long as the house has the value I think it does. The loan officer is going to have her appraiser do a quick look to see if it will support the value it needs to, which he does for her free of charge. Assuming that works out right, then things can start to move on that front.
W has a Dr. appointment today for a potentially serious problem that she didn't tell me about until Monday night. It has been bothering her for a while, and she has been putting it off. If it turns out that it is a problem, all of this will most likely stop for a while. I expect it will be a week or two before tests come in. In the meantime I will keep going forward, even if the refinance is done, it isn't anything that forces a particular outcome.
OK, here is the most interesting thing she said today....
She said that she was talking to the loan officer, who was telling her about the paperwork I would have to sign to release my interest in her new home (being in a community property state). The loan officer that sometimes spouses resist. W said that she told the loan officer that I would sign anything that would get me what I wanted, which was her out of the house. I said something like, "isn't that what you want?" She said, "I don't know what I want, don't assume that." Anyway, I was at work, and this was over the phone, so I dropped it then. But I think I need to resurrect it before we say anything to the kids. I need to make sure that if it isn't what she wants, I will stop. But that she has to have a plan. I will remind her that she is the one that said she wanted a divorce. And that she is the one that isn't sleeping in our room. And that she is the one that says she can't live with me. (If I have to. I really would really prefer not to get in to the blame game, but it might be necessary.)
"...that I would sign anything that would get me what I wanted, which was her out of the house. I said something like, "isn't that what you want?" She said, "I don't know what I want, don't assume that"
I dont know what to say, but I'm glad you said you WOULD stop if she really isnt sure, but that there would have to be a plan. I wondered if she was having any doubts, now that its a reality. And I'm sorry that she sounds like she may have something serious wrong with her?? Would that be connected at all to what she said, or its not that serious?
Thinking of you, you continue to plough ahead and its amazing to see how things are moving now, isnt it?
Al xxx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
(((((Ali))))) I don't think that her unsureness is realated to the health issue, though the health issue is potentally very serious. I just talked to her again, the doc is optimistic, but there are still tests to be done to be sure. I was very clear that if the test come back badly, all of this will stop. As far as whether she wants to stop this or not, I also just talked to her about that. She said that she thinks that at least a seperation is a good idea. I said that even if we D, that doesn't mean we can't go back. We agreed that that probably happens more than people want to admit. She said that if we end up owning two houses, it isn't even bad. One assumes that the market will recover eventually, and we will make money out of it. It's just moving the investments around a bit.
