H has officially filed. Please help me!!!!!

[Silent Chrleader]

Hey, MIP.

Though you may not see it, you are making progress. The anger yu are feeling will help you get to "detachment" if you can slow down, take a breath, and remember to just take it one day at a time.

Somebody once told me, I don't remember who because I have had so very many wonderful people on these boards give much needed advice. Anyway, they told me that so long as I kept talking to my H about the R in any way, then all his mind would stay focused on was how to refute anything I said. Whether I said it nicely, or angrily, or sadly, or whatever! So, long as he was concentrating on what I said, he wouldn't be able to hear the voices in his own head, and therefore would not be able to make any changes in his own thinking.

So, don't be surprised that you have not seen any progress or reason for hope from your H. Now, that doesn't mean for you to "cling to hope with both hands" either. What I mean is that you need to find that "safe place" inside you. It is a long process and will take time to get there. Unfortunately we can't just flip a switch. But, keep putting one foot in front of the other, and you will get there.

The truth is that your H may very well never look back (or at least not that you will know about.......I think they will pretty much all look back within themselves unless we are talking about a complete psychopath or something.) You need to be aware that that is a very real possibility. However, it is also true that you don't know what the future holds (none of us do!), and your H very well may change his tune! Either way, it does you no good, and actually hurts you, to dwell on the fact that he may not. So, the only thing you can do is to let tomorrow take care of itself and live in the present. If you believe in a higher power, then this is one you need to offer up to that power.

In the same way that you need to be careful about "fortune telling", you also need to be careful of letting life pass you by while you wait for your H to "come to his senses". That isn't healthy either. For myself, I am trying to take just one day at a time, and let my destiny show itself to me as it will. It's a very hard thing to do sometimes, but I keep trying.

Anyway, hang in there, MIP!!!

[[[[[hugs]]]]]