I was supposed to get divorced tomorrow...!

[1853dave]

Thanks Puppy....

Well these is no one else... I was given that idea some time ago, and dismissed it, and then reconsidered it, but she never showed the classic signs of seeing someone else. Plus, with our two girls, she's busy enough, and wouldn't have time without me noticing....unless she's REALLY REALLY sneaky... Believe me, I have considered this possiblility too, but the other day she told me her friends have told her "you're still young, you'll find someone else..." and she told me that she was not interested in looking, she's busy with school and the two kids. This DOES fit the wife I know.

I understand what you're saying, though... but I am very confident she is not seeing anyone else.\

I had a meeting with my therapist this afternoon (she's not a DB counselor, but one I went to when my bomb was dropped) - she enlightened me onto something interesting. She recognizes that my wife is somewhat passive, and sometimes has trouble making decisions on her own. I however, make decisions often in my job and my life, and can plan solutions to problems rather quickly and definitely (especially if it is in my field of expertice). This approach works well in my career, but with my passive wife it is probably (or likely) seen as controlling behavior! Now I see where the "controlling" perception came from. I need to turn it off at home (unless the house is on fire) and use it only at work. This way my wife can feel empowered to help with the decision-making, something that has probably been missing for quite some time. We have some decisions to make pretty soon about finances and other stuff, and that would be a good time to deploy my new knowledge, and let her really get involved in the planning. She often relinquished decision-making to me, as though she didn't really care about things, but maybe she did, and just resigned herself to the "fact" that I would make the final decision.

I wish I knew that years ago...