I'm not having any knee-jerk reactions to anything. I thought about this for a couple of weeks. Why let her BS slide when she knows it's BS. I'm talking about standing up for myself and calling it like I see it.
I know every person is different as is every sitch. I'm going to be honest and I'm sure there are some here that will disagree. I really don't know what it is lately, but everything inside me right now says to take a stand and just not take anymore of this. None, zip, nada.
Do I feel as though I should have done this from the start? No absolutely not, but how far do you let this go. I have shown love, understanding, patience and everything else for a long long time, to the point where it is expected of me and just taken for granted.
I'm not angry, I'm just amazed at the BS that has went on for so long. It shows no sign of stopping either. I'll probably get blasted for saying this, but for some reason, I keep feeling this way.
I came back because there was more that I wanted to say to you earlier but I needed to get home.
Trapt, you are riding the wave right now. Of having dealt with some of your own issues and having come to terms with some of your own failures within the marriage.
That's a damned liberating place to be, I know.
But you are fooling yourself if you think that means you're ready to move on.
You haven't done ALL of the work yet.
There is another leg of this journey.
It's the part where you take all that you have learned and all of your personal growth and you really square off in the fight of your life.
When you've done that - at least once - and it culminates however it will - then you can say you're done and truly be.
But not until then.
Now it is true that you can try to leave before the bell rings. That's called free will.
You can even go get yourself a new woman.
It'll be great.
For about a minute.
Then you will realize that even sitting right beside her, you are still alone.
Then you will realize why.
By then there'll be one more victim of your circumstance.
Please .....I'm not saying I'm going to call her up and go on the offensive and tell her to "fark off I'm done." "I Hate You."
What sense would that make? She filed she is pushing this.
That is not the point I'm trying to make.
What I'm saying is this. When she has questioned herself about her anger toward me on more than one occasion, why then should I let it slide the next day when she spews?
If she complains about what I say or don't say or do or don't do when it comes to our children. Why listen to that garbage? She left, she found another man. She knows this is BS.
If she doesn't help me with bills on her week. Why the hell should I give her money when its my week?
She would not let me see my son on his Birthday when she didn't have plans, but yet she expects me to switch 10 days in the month of March to fit her schedule. Mind you, I agreed to the custody agreement SHE put forth and she wants to change it all the time.
I strongly feel I need to put a stop to this crap. I'm not boo hooing about it, I've lived it for a long time and I'm not going to go all out and lay waste to her. That's not what I mean. I'm talking about standing up for myself and not letting this crap slide anymore.
This may be a bad analogy, but if she were a crackhead and kept saying "gee I don't know why my teeth are falling out?" or "man where is all my money." " I don't know why I feel like sh*t all the time." "Can I have ten bucks Trapt?"
All I'm saying is I'm not giving her ten bucks anymore. Don't admit to me you have a problem and then continue on with the destruction.
So don't give her $10.
But don't throw the baby out with the bath water, either.
Your motivations and behaviors have to be above reproach when you do so.
Because if they're not and your wife is MLC, she will rip your face off and be further away than ever.
You have to be matter-of-fact, yet respectful, and most important, whatever repercussions you might lay out for your wife should she not tighten up - you had best be willing to follow through on them swiftly.
Your motivations and behaviors have to be above reproach when you do so.
Because if they're not and your wife is MLC, she will rip your face off and be further away than ever.
You have to be matter-of-fact, yet respectful, and most important, whatever repercussions you might lay out for your wife should she not tighten up - you had best be willing to follow through on them swiftly.
trapt, you have gotten some really damn good advice and some really damn good support.
Right now in this moment...what Amy just said:
Quote:
To clarify that I support calling BS:
Your motivations and behaviors have to be above reproach when you do so.
Because if they're not and your wife is MLC, she will rip your face off and be further away than ever.
You have to be matter-of-fact, yet respectful, and most important, whatever repercussions you might lay out for your wife should she not tighten up - you had best be willing to follow through on them swiftly.
Is the best f-ing advice you could ever get.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
This doesn't have to do with talking to that woman. I've struggled with this for weeks. Remember the argument that came up the other day about calling BS for what it is and not putting up with it? It was the same day that Frank busted in and the same stuff happened everyone got all up in arms.
