thanks for your comments. No I am definitely NOT a perfect person. I have many points that annoy my H and my family. I have a temper and I would cry out of frustration. I wear my emotions on my sleeve, where my H likes to keep his emotions hidden. That is where the majority of our differences lay. I know this because our C is trying to find out. In H's family culture, they like to keep things calm on the surface even if they are angry or upset or unhappy with anything. If the surface looks good, then they are satisfied. But my temperament is such that I like to get things off my chest and to explain my POV and state of mind. It's therapeutic for me and also, I like my partner to understand where I am at in hopes that there is a better connection. My H took that to mean that I was unhappy, he felt helpless and indequate to 'make me happy'. I just wanted him to listen and support and validate. That is all. We don't have to agree. I just want H to acknowledge my feelings. He would say things like, 'Well, you SHOULDN'T feel this way.' I then would say, ' Don't tell me how to feel, this is what I feel and this is why.' He didn't want to acknowledge it. He wouldn't present his POV or there was no discussion because he didn't want to get in touch with his own feelings. He would just apologize to end the conversation. Not really understanding or meaning his words. We both ended up feeling very frustrated.
I would like this whole dynamic to change. I would be very happy to change it and our C, who we see separately, said he can help. I am looking forward to that because I know it is something that I need to work on. I would still like to express my feelings but I don't want to lose it when someone tells me not to feel a certain way and refuse to acknowledge my feelings. I like to change that in me.
Me:39 H:40 S:9 D:7 First Bomb ONS:June 07 Second Bomb OW: March 08 Separated: March 08 M:15 yrs T:18 yrs H deep into A with OW Achieved ACCEPTANCE May 30, 09
