WAW - Very confused and devestated - pt 2

[AnotherNightmare]

Ironically, my wife sees that she's turned me into a different person that has neglected her over the years.

Does she actually say that she feels responsible for that? If yes, how does she say she did it?

Unfortunately, she just doesn't know how to get past all the past hurt/pain. Sounds like your wife had made the leap. Did retrouvaille help her feel optimistic about love again or did she have it before the weekend? Just curious how it happened.

I am sure my wife has not gotten over the pain yet. And that will still take a while (for me, too). She told me that she agreed to come to Retrouvaille, because she wanted a better relationship with me to protect the kids from the consequences of an ugly divorce. She wanted a friendly divorce and a co-parenting relationship. I am very sure that this was truly her objective.
But I guess she noticed what has been happening to me during the weekend and since then. It is like everybody here says: the WAS does notice. And once they see what they truly want, I guess they start feeling optimistic about loving their S again. This is speculation on my part, because we have not talked about why yet. We never may. That is the one thing about Retrouvaille: you talk about feelings, you do not try to justify why you have them.

I think I've been feeling needy but over the last few weeks, I've found that I've been doing more of my own laundry (as well as the kids and towels). Not sure if she's doing it intentionally as in the past she had expressed she felt like she was just a housekeeper or if she's just so preoccupied with the situation that she's just hasnt really kept an eye on it.

It is not really the household chores that tell whether you are needy or not. My W asked me not to do them during the last 3 months, because they showed my neediness. I did them because I needed her back.
I believe it is a state of mind. I tell you a little conversation we had Sunday night. At one point last year or so I had left my shoes on the floor in the washer room and had not put them on the shelf where they belong. So my W asked me to put them there. I replied: "Why? The kids leave their shoes on the floor, too." When she told me that, I looked at her in total disbelief ("Did I really say that?") and we both started to laugh.
I had put myself on the same needy level as my children. And I did not even realize it.
She said it is not that she does not want to do the chores for me. She loves to do something for me, if she feels sure I do not expect it. And she wants me to do the chores, because I want to be part of the team, not because I think I owe her.

Do you notice the difference?

AN