We ought to write a book, Men that Don't Fit In", 'cause at my house I'm the talker, the one who initiates the talks, the discussion, wants to talk about this, and my wife is the ostrich... less said is best said for her.
Hi...I am new to this forum. I'm sorry if I don't know all the acronyms yet. Here is my story in a nutshell... I've been married to my husband for 10 yrs. I'm 50 and he's 46. We ML once every 3 or 4 months and that is only because I initiate it. When we do ML, it is fantastic...at least for me. He seems to enjoy it. I would like to ML once a week. Instead it is about 4 times a year. He doesn't seem to have any sex drive. Here is the kicker...he is SO affectionate to me. He loves me so much. We hold hands, hug, kiss, say ILY all the time. I love him and desire him all the time. I still want him more than ever. We each have one child from a previous marriage and they are grown and gone. So, we have plenty of opportunity. Instead, there's just a lot of cuddling going on. We sleep like spoons. I am so frustrated but I stopped complaining years ago. I don't know what to do. I don't think he sees me as a woman with desires. I used to pout and then we would fight. He would promise to see a Dr. or go to counseling (which we did before for 2 visits). Nothing changed. I actually went to a lawyer to discuss a divorce but he didn't know that. The thing is...I REALLY love him so much. He is a truly wonderful man and a great husband. It is just this one thing that is not normal. I know he isn't gay. I haven't changed physically in these 10 yrs...meaning I'm the same weight I was when we met. We were hot and heavy for the first few yrs. It has just tapered off until it has become so infrequent. Can anybody help me? I am really hurting. It makes me feel so undesireable. I don't want to live like this but I don't want to live without him either.
Has he tried testosterone replacement therapy? After we men hit about 35ish, our natural testosterone production starts to decline. Boosting testosterone levels (not talking steroids but doctor Rx) helps men in many ways and definitely known to help increase libido.
Last edited by EnergyAZ; 01/16/0912:27 AM.
Me: 37 Wife: 40 Son: 7yo Son: 18 mo Bomb: 12/31/07 Status: Reconciled 1/2009 but backsliding terribly right now
I'm a guy. I've been in a relationship (not currently)where initally we both had very healthy sex drives. At some point her's dimished to a point that it got to be a problem for us. I got to the point with it that I hated to approch her in fear of rejection. Not that I had a probelm with low self esteem, I just didn't want to deal with the frustration that came with rejection. This lead to distance. Then to me rejecting her somewhat out of spite (if she can say no so can I).
In her case it lead to all or a most of the issues honeypot mentioned:
*Lonely *Isolated (I certainly couldn't talk to my girlfriends about it--they'd wonder what was wrong with me that a MAN didn't want me) *Undesirable *Worthless *I loathed my own body *Insecure *Angry *Obssessive *Hurt, Weepy *Hopeless for the future of my marriage *Like a freak of nature *I wondered about my 'masculinity'..did I have hormone problems that made me more "manly"? *Resentful *Punishing. I wanted to get back at him for rejecting me.
This lead to more distance and less communication.
We all know that without closeness and communication there is no way for any relationship to survive, especially a marriage..........
