I still see you as very tied up in her. You are making progress in the areas of self-control, and listening skills. Kudos there.

I do not necessarily think you have to push the separation, but I do firmly believe you need to turn your eyes away from her and onto yourself. You are still monitoring her every move and your every interaction. You are not "letting go" and working on you. Although counter-intuitive, this is what needs to happen in order to snap her out of her pity party about the past.

Stay strong, do not let yourself fall into blaming her. Forgive if you start to feel resentful, but also cut yourself some slack too. You are not the only one responsible for the state of your R, but you are having to step up and work on saving it.

Spellfire aka Mike

"Women do not like controlling men. They respect and are attracted to men who control themselves. They ultimately are repelled by men who allow themselves to be controlled." -S&A