A new phase..Future uncertain-imagine that!

[Vdad]

Journaling,

I think Pup is right about the "okay with this". We had a conversation the other day when my intel turned up online searches through myspace where she was looking at other men's profiles in the local area. I called her on it and told her it wasn't ok with me (told her the sites popped up becasue she hadn't logged out correctly). She is out of the EA but still fantasizing about a "fresh start".

Right... So "friend" I have been discussing that is hip deep in her own EA is heavily into Zodiac-sign compatibility, blah, blah.. So intel tells me she is researching some sign that isn't mine for compatibility.

I feel like such an idiot. It is so easy to get suckered in this.

She does seem to be still in the fog. I guess she doesn't feel like she has any real issues to work on and the answer is to find somebody better?

Now I see why you detach. We are nuts when living in fantasy land!

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Why do you feel like an idiot, V?

[Vdad]

Pup,

For feeling like she was coming out of the fog. Nothing has changed other than she isn't connecting with OM now. She is just changing the players in the fantasy.

Getting my hopes up. I need to stop that.

Jeff

[Puppy Dog Tails]

It's understandable. We all did/do it.

I remember the day when the guy who was counseling me brought up the whole idea of my wife moving on to an OM #2, and how common that was. Man, was I depressed! But waywardness is waywardness, and wanderlust is wanderlust. It's pretty common, sadly.

I do think you are doing well, fwiw.

Puppy

[Vdad]

Pup,

I still feel like crap today over it. How did you manage your emotions while you were going through this with your W?

My IC tells me I need to stay in touch with my emotions as I have been detached in the past w/her.

Update: She just did a flyby of a dating website. I guess I have my answer on her real intentions.

Oh well. Back to DBing and detachment.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

How did you manage your emotions while you were going through this with your W?

I didn't very well. If you read my old threads, I was all over the map emotionally. Got on ADs, which helped a lot, and eventually got the hang of it. I tried real hard to shoot for "loving detachment," but when I saw the intel (like you are now), I had a hard time with the "loving" part, and when I DIDN'T see/hear it, and she'd throw me a bone, I was so craved for some love that it was hard to stay detached and not go all "needy/grabby" on her or "melty-man."

Mostly, PRAYER helped me. Started each day with Psalms and Proverbs, and I was forever amazed that I would usually seem to be fed whatever it was I need to hear for THAT day.

It's not easy.

Puppy

[Vdad]

Pup,

Thanks for that. Prayer will be key for me as well. I will reread your sitch tonight. I know I have before but I was in the initial stages then and probably didn't digest it all.

I have started AD's as well. In second week of them so they should start kicking in soon.

Overall I am doing ok but it's days like this that are tough. I have to get ready for a PMA tonight when I pick up kids.

I will rededicate and up prayer time. You are a lifeline at these times. Iwill direct prayer for you and your wife to continue to strengthen your M.

Thanks for being there,

Jeff

[Puppy Dog Tails]

As we say in Minnesota, "You betcha."

[Vdad]

Hey Pup,

Can you link me directly to your original sitch. I cannot seem to pinpoint it even with the link above...

Thanks!

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Hmmm; the link works for me?

Try this:

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...=1&fromsearch=1