WAW Affair Confirmed - Advice?

[DCBHM]

I sent this email to my wife regarding EA/PA, this is the last thing I'm going to communicate in regards to it - but wanted to put it out there considering she's denying and coming up with random excuses that are easily shot down.

This is the last time I'm going to bring it up unless you choose that you are prepared to discuss it with me, but I wanted to put my feelings out there so that you understand.

First:
I know that you've had a relationship outside of our marriage for at least the past several months. Whether it was physical/emotional/both - there is no denying the effect it has had on our marriage. The damage was caused, and the innocence was lost when you began having to lie about it in order to continue it. If you have to lie or make excuses - it isn't innocent. I hope you take responsibility for your part in our marriage breakdown. If you are communicating with someone else instead of your spouse - something is wrong. Regardless of what our problems were - you should have put your energy into correcting them and building our marriage up instead of tearing it down.

Second:
I am willing to accept responsibility for my part. I wasn't supportive enough emotionally, I wasn't home enough, and I don't feel like we were able to communicate well enough. I am willing to understand that you needed a certain type of support - I just disagree where you chose to go for that support. You had a baby, your father died, we were having problems, and this relationship is something that just happened. I'm not going to judge you as a person - but I don't feel like this is a healthy decision. I'm not going to tell you that you are a horrible person - but I'm willing to sit and listen to you if you ever want to talk about it.

Third:
Emotionally I'm sure you feel like a new person. You feel the romance, the newness, and the attraction phase is surely intoxicating. But you also feel the guilt. You feel the shame. You feel the things that will still remain when the attraction wears off. An affair is a selfish behavior that puts your feelings over the love of your husband, children, family - and even your own sense of morality and decency. I'm concerned about you, because I truly do care about you and want you to be happy. Our marriage can end here - but it doesn't have to.

Fourth:
How does it make me feel? I want what is best for my family, and I want what is best for you. I'm sad because I hate to see you going through this. I'm sad because I hate to see things happening that are going to affect our children down the road. I'm sad because I hate to see you hurting, I hate to see you feeling guilty, I hate to see you feeling ashamed, I hate the empty look I see when I look in your eyes. I'm sad because the W I married isn't the same person standing before me. The W I married was proud of what she did every day. The W I married never had a reason to lie about anything. The W I married put our children first and foremost before she ever thought about herself. The W I married would never have been in a position where she had to defend her behavior with lies and excuses. The W I married would never have thought about using D to punish me for perceived wrongs. The W I married didn't have an angry bone in her body.

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The most important thing I want you to keep in mind: Even though I know, it doesn't mean I don't love you or want what is best for you. I want you to be happy, and I want us to work together for the benefit of our daughter. D will benefit from both of us working together, and collaborating for her future. We don't have to be husband and wife to do that... but we can't be stuck fighting each other either.

If you ever choose to come to me with the truth - I promise that I won't hold it over your head. I won't make you out to be a horrible person. I won't drag you through the mud. I promise you the same thing I promised when we discussed things with our pastor - 100% cooperation either way. Whether we work on our marriage, or we divorce - we need to work together for the sake of our daughter.

Just keep it in mind... and if you don't want to talk about it that is fine. If you do - please come with an open heart and prepared to be honest. I'm tired of the lies. The lies hurt worse than knowing what has happened.

Ultimately just look within yourself. Are you proud of what is happening and what has happened? If not... I hope you use your head to overcome the confusion in your heart and bring us back from the precipice.

Otherwise... I hope you move past your anger, and we can get to a point where we can come up with a reasonable agreement with D - and work together as parents.

I will be praying for you, as I have been every night. Take care of yourself. I do love our family, and I haven't given up on it. I hope you have a wonderful day at work.

So... now I'm going to be focusing on myself/legal issue/checking on my daughter. Anyone have opinions on what I wrote?