I can't say anything else other than what everyone else has said.
Here are some oberservations:
1. Your husband hasn't changed. He's still a grumpy bully who wants a spotless house, a warm meal waiting for him, invisible quiet, children and a horny wife who asks him no questions. And when any of these things isn't provided, he get s ornery and runs for "comfort" in the arms of another woman.
2. He still is involved with OW. As long as he is in contact with her at all, he's still involved and you'll never trust him.
3. You fear setting a boundary or making any demands on him. You state how upset you are, but you draw no hard lines. I know this is tough. We all are captive to our fears. But in the end, we KNOW it's gptten us nowhere.
4. That nice SUV he gave you doesn't even begin to pay for the fiancial support he's withdrawn since he's moved out. He hasn't shared the profits of the business with you (and you are 49% owner). He hasn't shared his bank account with you.
I think it's time you set a boundary. Put it in writing and set an ultimatum. Give him a chance to change.
Much love to you. You are an intelligent, sweet, beautiful woman.
I will add that it's time to cut the string. You now need to bounce back for yourself and not for your H.
Of course we all understand that is far easier said than done. You (we) are not as callous as the WAS is. For each of us our conscious has not been surgically removed, and so this letting go is just not so easy. It is fraught with pain and uncertainty. But it does not make it any less necessary.
Have you ever gone and read many of the threads in 'Surviving the Big D'? Many of the folks on there are absolutely thriving.......and relieved that they are no longer living with this great pressure hanging over them. They can make their own decisions for themselves....they don't spend all their time second guessing how their actions are going to be interpreted.
They feel free, and that there is a world of opportunities out there for them.
Yoyo, you have so much to offer.....you deserve someone that will cherish and honour what you have to give.
(((((HUGS))))))
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
Yoyo, {{HUGS}}}}, can't believe that this new sitch was created just for YOU, because everyone cares about you.
Some of the posters here have been here since the beginning of this journey, and some others like myself have jumped on board later.
But from what I have read they all care about you and how you are still struggling with this.
I think from the tone of your posts from the past month or so, you are fence sitting yourself. You are not happy with your situation any more.
Go back to the beginnng of your previous sitch where you had high hopes that H was giving you the SUV and you had hoped that reconcillation would come along with it. Now your H has returned to "more of the same". YOYO previous sitch... "I didn't want to post this because I really didn't believe it, but I will fill you in now. Now, don't get your hopes up that H and I have reconciled...Just wanted to let you know that up front.
H and I have been spending lots of time together. We spent Christmas together. On Christmas morning after everyone had opened their presents H had me a piece of paper and said, "Here is the rest of your present" I opened it up and it was a SUV invoice. He explained that they would probably have to do a dealer transfer to get the one that he wanted for me. I started crying. I don't know that it was so much because I was getting a new car or if that he actually seemed to be softening towards me."
As long as OW is in the picture -- working there, you will not be able to reconcile. H is still addicted to her and with him seeing her everyday -- he gets his fix.
H is still doing this -- because he can.
Remember "Trying to Live" who used to post here? She posts on another marriage site that takes a much stronger stand. She did a plan A and then went dark (Plan B) for the 3.5 months. Her H was furious with her. He was like a child having a tantrum -- saying the usual wayward stuff like "I was thinking of coming back and now you wrecked it"; "you are trying to control me", blah blah blah. Looks like it is working -- he is trying to see her, talk to her, and maybe we might have a happy ending on this one. BUT she is standing strong telling him in Plan B letter - No contact OW, and a set of boundaries. If he comes back it has to be on terms that she will feel that they will be able to build their M again.
Let me know if you want to contact her.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and others on this board that want reconcillation.
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
You have been angry for a long time now - that just cannot be good for you, (healthwise), or your children,(emotionally).
Like Yoyo, you need to draw a line under this somehow.
I can see that as the children get older it can make it a bit easier to take action, as one can explain more to them. Yoyo's D's have a pretty good understanding of what has happened to her, whilst you still have some relatively young children.
I am sorry you are still stuck in this situation at home...however I am glad that your job is good and enjoyable.
Things are good at my end, although I am still playing around with trying to find a purpose to my life. I am also not looking forward to my eldest D leaving home to go to university next October. C'est la vie.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
