I am going to let it go. I think she is in love with OM. She sees no hope with me and she won't take a chance. I have already been at this for 6 months. I think I am done. I deserve better than this. As Bessie Smith says in her beautiful blues song.
"Ain't gonna play no second fiddle 'cause I'm used to playin lead"
You guys. My W is confusing me! The biggest problem she suffers is not the OM, it is her fear of facing anything that presents any pressure on her. She likes him because He has nothing to loose so he puts no pressure on her.
She came home the other day and looked at me and balled her eyes out and told me that she is sorry for all the times she hurt me and that she felt bad because I am such a good man and blah blah blah. She went to get her stuff from OM's apartment but she ended up sleeping on the OM's couch the night before (No Sex) I just held her and listened to her and told her it's okay, it's just that I love her and If I want her to forgive me my mistakes, I am willing to over look hers as well.
This happened but then it did not lead to any promise to stop or to work on saving our marriage. It led to her telling me that she is going to take a job far away and leave us both.
After all of that she asked me to sleep in our bed last night, not for sex but just because it is more comfortable than the couch. She kissed my head when she thought I was asleep.
I can't get her to trust that I can be that responsible loving husband that she wants me to be. SHE TELLS ME SHE WANTS ME TO BE HER HUSBAND. But she won't take the chance with me because she says that she has seen me TRY for years but I never follow through.
She is so miserable about this. She wants to be my wife but she can't face the distress.
I decided that where I live, I can't find a job that will support me or a family. I wrote her a note that said I will leave in 2 months and if I have no commitment from her by then I will sever all ties with her.
Someone help us what choice is there, what can I do or say?
ommitment from her by then I will sever all ties with her.
Someone help us what choice is there, what can I do or say?
NOT this:
Quote:
I just held her and listened to her and told her it's okay, it's just that I love her and If I want her to forgive me my mistakes, I am willing to over look hers as well
I know you're being sincere, but that almost never works. "Mr. Nice Guy" rarely, if ever, attracts back a wayward spouse, and even in GOOD marriages, it leads to those kisses on the head you mention, and not to respect and strong attraction.
You guys. My W is confusing me! The biggest problem she suffers is not the OM, it is her fear of facing anything that presents any pressure on her. She likes him because He has nothing to loose so he puts no pressure on her.
Bariga, I'm confused. Since you came here, you've gone from saying she's having an affair, to saying the affair is over and they're just friends, to saying she's in love with OM, to saying she LIKES him, but he's not the biggest problem.
Now, I normally like to operate from the position of "OM/OW is NOT the biggest problem in the marriage, but they ARE the immediate obstacle," but what, exactly, IS her relationship with him????
THIS is why I'm so much in favor of good intel. We're trying to help you, but we're shooting at a moving target here . . .
I do agree with puppy that both you and your W do not seem clear on what the situation is.
It sounds a bit as though your W has a problem with responsibility, and of course by running to OM she absolves herself of the family responsibility and leaves it to you. If she were actually to be with OM she would soon find that he wasn't any sort of answer....in fact by saying she is going to move away from both of you she seems to be actually recognising that.
It sounds to me like your W doesn't really know what it is that she wants / what is bothering her. Therefore you have to just look after yourself and your resposibilities. Prove that you are reliable.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
yes there is a major lack of clarity. As for the constant change in information. That is what is happening to me and I share it as I get it. BTW. I am a nice guy and always have been.
It seems that every time we talk and I ask her to make any commitment she backs up and is ready to bag it all and run away. If I just shut up and let all my hurts stay inside, we get almost close again.
I am as confused as you are and that is why this is so difficult. I know she wants to be with ME but she can't decide if she will be safe with ME.
