IMO you have to just put yourself back out there..I'll be honest that I'm scared pretty much chittless..but the alternatives are not very appealing to me..I'd rather not lock myself in my house, I'd rather not be a pissed off human being...I'd rather not be a SOB..I've made a choice and am attempting to live the way I should live...positive..happy..it's all about choices..right?? we choose to love, we choose to let ourselves feel again...we choose/make our version of happy without letting someone else do that for us..
as far as Kim goes..well...that is what it is...she's working with me..are we friends?..no..are we civil?...right now yes...do I play into her drama anymore?..no...am I ready to jerk a knot in her ass if she attempts to piss on my carpet?? Yes it's funny..I met Kim yesterday to drop Caleigh off...I looked at Kim..I mean I really looked at her..and saw NO BEAUTY...I saw UGLY..very unattractive..I can no longer seem to find any reason why we ever got together with the exception of Caleigh..
I'm assuming that the lack of anything that resembles "feeling's" with Kim has long since died and I now feel what she says she felt towards me..what all WAS's say..maybe I'm a true WAS now?? who knows..
it's good to be able to sit back...examine all this..and not spin..
it's either true detachment or I'm brain dead..
Mike, I'll give you my password etc and you can just copy and paste into my thread....I've not mentioned it, but the looking deep thing !!! I did that the weekend and same outcome as you !!!
"and saw NO BEAUTY...I saw UGLY..very unattractive..I can no longer seem to find any reason why we ever got together"
That sounds a little drastic to me...probably because I am not there. Probably because I have not been lucky to find someone to replace XW. I think that has alot to do with "final" detachment.
John, I don't think it is required to find someone else before reaching this point. However we can clear our heads and start looking at things objectively, or without the lenses of "rose colored glasses", is how it is done. For some, it might happen when we find someone else. For others, it can happen before. It really happens when we start being honest with ourselves.
You can get there without finding someone first if you want to... Just takes a conserted effort.
That sounds a little drastic to me...probably because I am not there. Probably because I have not been lucky to find someone to replace XW. I think that has alot to do with "final" detachment.
Well to be brutally honest..Kim weighed about 135# when we met and fell in love...when we got married she weighed 106#..she now weighs at least 190# if not more....so I saw no beauty...the way she has acted through this killed any inner beauty she had that I saw...I've said for a whikle now that I thought the only reason we ever were brought together was for Kim to become a mom and for me to have a second chnace at being a daddy..
Maybe all this was God's way/will of waking my negative, sorry asss up..
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Probably because I have not been lucky to find someone to replace XW.
my dating/relationship goal has not been to find a replacement per say....but to make me better....but to find better..to not settle...
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I think that has alot to do with "final" detachment.
it can be referred to as what people want to call it...
I've let all this go John...I harbor no thoughts of what could have been, why, how, what happened...any thoughts of a future with Kim are gone long ago..
I look at her and know that we where together for 9 years...the first 7 were good..the last 2 sucked floppy donkey peckers...we have a beautiful daughter from that union..Kim has her dream home...good things came from that...and that's what that was..
it was no more..no less..
I can't continue to come here and wonder why..I know the why..Kim quit..she walked away..she ran when it got tough..
it is what it is..
personally it amazes me that some here can continue to choose to love to love their ex's...especially with some of the things these WAS's do..maybe with some more growth I'll figure that out one day..
all that this how I feel...it's just the way it is..I look at her and see a blank sheet of paper..no color, no pretty...no beauty..no nothing..it's just not there..and it really doesn't bother me or put me into a funk because it's not there..
so Steve, you are saying that to see Ugly and no Beauty happens when we take off our rose coloured glasses? I am not sure I want to make a conserted effort to get to the "ugly" place. That does not mean that I want to get back together with the ex. Is there no middle ground possible? She is not for me and I am moving on....that is where I prefer to be. I am not criticizing anybody who feels a certain way...I was just wondering out loud if two posters feel the same way does it have something to do with both guys being "involved" with some nice ladies.
you are saying that to see Ugly and no Beauty happens when we take off our rose coloured glasses?
john..maybe using the word Ugly was a little strong..when I say ugly..I don't mean ugly in a mean way..or looking like the wicked witch of the west..I mean I saw no beauty..I don't see her as attractive anymore..her inner beauty is gone...and that goes to her personality, inner strength, character..all that...tha't what I mean when I say ugly...
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Is there no middle ground possible?
I think the middle ground comes when you treat this as a business transaction..you take the emotions out of the equation..
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I was just wondering out loud if two posters feel the same way does it have something to do with both guys being "involved" with some nice ladies.
I don't know the answer to that..I can tell you I've play lots of golf..ate lots of sushi and drank a whole hell of a lot of beer SOLO...maybe it's the raw fish??
Mike, don't get me wrong, i am not criticizing anybody here. What you feel is what you feel. I have no problem with that and actually I am happy that your life is good. I also think my life is good and hopefully will continue to get better. If I could just hook up with anice lady like you have, I should be ok :-) One last point, I should absolutelly despise my XW for her actions during the last couple of years. I can not erase the other 8 years or so and look at a blank sheet of paper. Does that mean that I still wonder what happened and hope we will get back together some day....NO!
Mike, don't get me wrong, i am not criticizing anybody here. What you feel is what you feel. I have no problem with that and actually I am happy that your life is good. I also think my life is good and hopefully will continue to get better. If I could just hook up with anice lady like you have, I should be ok :-) One last point, I should absolutelly despise my XW for her actions during the last couple of years. I can not erase the other 8 years or so and look at a blank sheet of paper. Does that mean that I still wonder what happened and hope we will get back together some day....NO!
oh lord John..I never took anything you said as criticizm..you should no by now..on my threads just "say it"..I've learned more from you than I could ever repay you for..
Nice ladies?? well FWIW John..I told Ian on the phone the other day that just because you have a nice lady now means squat..I know from personal experience it can all go south in a second..
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One last point, I should absolutelly despise my XW for her actions during the last couple of years. I can not erase the other 8 years or so and look at a blank sheet of paper. Does that mean that I still wonder what happened and hope we will get back together some day....NO!
I've not erased years with Kim...I've just taken it for what it was...I fell out of love with her John...
