I needed air. I needed out of this suffocating house. After our exchange he was in the front room with our boys, watching TV, laughing, horsing around with them.
I went for a drive, & wrote down some rentals available in our area. I came back & told him that I had found some houses. I also said it would be cheaper for him to get a condo, than me to get a 4 bedroom house. He said again he wasn't leaving this house.
I told him that I had called an attorney the other day & that if we do this nicely it will cost around $3K, & if he fights it it will cost $20K. He said he's going to fight it.
He asked if there was any way I'd change my mind. I said that if he'd leave the house, give me time to get over things, heal, recover from the damage of the M, & see the changes in him from his individual counseling, I would hold off on going to an attorney & filing. He said he wasn't leaving this house.
I shared with him a few other things the attorney said, like trying to hide money, screwing with the finances, projected alimony, child support, stuff like that. He took it all in stride. No change of expression. No outburst. Nothing. Just calm, emotionless face like always.
He started asking me questions designed to intimidate & manipulate me....... Do you want to tell xyz or should I..? those types of things. Our D14 walked in the door from babysitting, he said "do you want to tell her, I assume you have it all mapped out". I said "not tonight, it's late & she has school tomorrow, & still needs to shower".
He asked me if there was an OM. I told him there was not. He started to get ugly & controlling. I told him I didn't choose to answer his questions anymore. He just can't believe that I'd rather be alone than with him. He said "what if I go in the office & find out who you've been talking to every night" I reminded him that I had an e-mail that if he spies on me I get 100% of the assets. & I told him it really doesn't matter who I talk to, he's always going to assume the worst.
He also underestimates me. He thinks I'm still the doormat. He doesn't know me. He never has. He never will.
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
