Well, for the past two weeks my friend FA has been helping me stay focused on my 180s. Or as he puts them staying functional. Only have functional conversations with your W. Stick to logistics involving you and her or the kids. Make committments to DO things and just make them happen. Don't bring other people's opinion into the equation. Don't talk about gossip. Just work on the things that need action. Pay the bills. Pay the mortgage.
The contradictory part is to put aside any emotional reaction I have to activities which might be considered "part of a D". Things like written parenting plans, financial settlement, splitting up the cars. He's saying just move towards D as fast as I can and once the D is just an application away, she'll have all this history of me having done stuff for her. And then she'll have to decide. It sounds counter-intuitive...but the things my friend said was "Lead the last mile".
So she got the roses on Friday and I don't think they went into the bin. On Saturday, W came over after work for dinner. We talked a little bit about the kids and both studiously avoided talk about R, property, cars. We talked about the pizza stone she gave me for Xmas and how well or badly the pizza's turned out. Otherwise, we didn't talk much. I had learned during my dad's visit that he is the introvert and mom is the extrovert. So I just decided to stay calm and accepting of the non-conversation between us.
We cleaned up the kids. We played Wii together with D3 and D6. She really liked the fishing game and shooting game. She read stories for the girls and offered to put them to bed while I did the dishes. I'm not one to stand in the way of a mother so I cleaned up.
When she came out, everything was washed and the computers were all set for Age of Empires. We played three games from 9pm to 11:30pm. We won one and lost two. She suggested we sleep in Sunday morning, in our respective houses, and then go for yum cha together with the girls.
I said I would find a good restaurant in Hurstville. I did and it was packed with Chinese people...which always helps. She asked me to hold back and order more slowly, which is not what we normally do. It was all good.
We finished lunch and bought some dessert pastries. Then we went to my favourite Men's Barber for a cut. I asked in a loud voice, "give me a haircut to make me look like a hot Lebanese boy". My hairdresser just smiled. He looked at W and said "Did you hear that?" W piped up "Yes, I did". I had my hair cut and washed and flirted wildly with the other two young girls who were apprentice hairdressers.
We did a bit more shopping in the shopping mall and then she drove me home. We decided to take another couple we knew to the yum cha restaurant sometime soon.
Pfwoof! Watch this space. I feel very nervous.
H42 W36 M9 yrs D8 D5 d-day: 21/11/07 S and moved out: 22/2/08 Still S: 22/11/10
