Passive Agressive MLC Husband

[PositivelyMommy]

Snodderly, thanks for your post. I am taking care of myself, thank you. I am surrounded by friends who love me and my kids. My family is far away but are very supportive of me emotionally. I exercise regularly and I am generally a pretty positive person. The original shock has worn off somewhat and I want to understand this alien who has taken away the man I loved.

H used to be a funny guy who loved to talk with me and until I found out about his A, he still had talked hours with me about his work and such but he has closed himself off from me now and hardly shares. He has always been careful with money but the first thing he does when I found out about A was to go spending. Expensive watch, new clothes. He didn't buy a sportscar yet but I know it's on his mind, he just doesn't want to get a huge loan on it. He is depressed most of the time, the light in his eyes have gone. His whole demeanor has changed in the last three or so years. He used to look handsome and happy but now not so much, more of a sneer than a smile. Lots of cutting sarcastic comments. Seeing the worst in everyone except for guys like him. E.g. He sympathizes with a guy in the paper who drove down the wrong way on a one-way street and hit a cyclist. The paper put the guy's photo in the paper and he is incensed for the guy, not for the cyclist!! WTH!?! He thinks the driver is the victim!! I think he thinks of himself this way, he is the one who had the A and is pulling our family apart but he sees himself as the victim. He never calls the kids during the week. He comes and sees them in the weekend but he gets mad if I leave to do my own thing. He wants to have the cake and eat it, he wants the A on the side but civil family time in the weekends.

He doesn't show me his back and forths. He has not altered his decision to separate. Our counsellor, who we see separately, thinks that he maybe regretting his decision a bit but I don't know, I have not seen any signs. I think he is still pretty much in fantasy-land with OW.

Because he is passive-agressive, he won't tell me when anything bothers him so I have to read his facial expressions, that's why I know he is mad that I leave the kids with him. But what is he expecting? If he is going to be single-dad, he'd have to get used to it! Bizarre. I think it's bizarre that he wants to hang out with his Mom and me. His Mom came to visit us last month, we were out for the day while the kids were at school, he calls up and joins us for lunch and the afternoon. WTH! It was all I could do to act 'as if' but I don't understand how he came to the conclusion that he can just join us and be comfortable with that.

Everything he thinks, feels, it's very self-oriented. He won't talk to neighbors because he doesn't see anything in it for him. I guess he is self-serving but more so recently than before. He has a successful career, a healthy family, loving wife but he is not happy. He didn't know why so he started getting some relief and escape from OW, his direct report. OW made him feel GREAT. His words were, 'She thinks I'm smart.' You see, all about him (not about her). Also, 'We were two hurt people getting together.' She is going thru her own D, apparently her H ran around on her behind her back. Yeah, I know what a B. I asked H if she feels at all guilty about breaking up our family, he said, 'I guess a little.'

I don't think my H has thought things through at all. I think he wanted me to leave him and be rid of me forever. But I did the opposite and stayed and stated to him that I want our family unit together and forgives him. Well, he fled for the hills.