I would refer you to the book "NOT Just Friends," by Shirley Glass, as the definitive treatise on emotional affairs. I was just going by what you said -- he had an EA.
The best, shortest definition I've seen is, "Would he be comfortable with what he says and does to her, and what she says and does to him, if you were there present?"
If not, then it's an inappropriate relationship, and an emotional affair. If he is sharing things with her that should be shared between husband and wife, it's an EA.
Finally, I would ask you if you've asked him to end it, WHATEVER it is, for the good of your marriage? Because if my wife asked me to end a female friendship, to work on our marriage with her, and if she were threatened by it and it was a "dealbreaker" to her . . . then if I put my friendship ahead of my marriage, then that would be wrong.
That's where I counsel people: if it's REALLY just a friendship (and it rarely ever is), then even THAT is wrong, if you've said you are uncomfortable with it. If we truly love our spouse, and are committed to our marriages, then we would end the friendship -- again, IF that's all it was.
