Hey mister! I thought we were down to 'business/kids' talk only with the W.
Yeah, I know. I can't seem to let her crazy-arsed assertions go unchallenged. That's due to the needless panic I feel now that STBXW is trying to take me out now.
It's not the view of myself that I worry about being skewed; it's that she and the toxic MIL are going to gang up on me in court to try to skew a judge in seeing it their way.
I just need to prepare what I can and not worry myself about those things I am not in control of. I need to let go and let God. I need to live by that philosophy, even as hard as that seems now. I need to shake this pessimism and realize that even in the worst case, God will work something out for the better.
I admit that I am indeed scared now for me and my sons. But I need to think like Yoda now -- "Fear is the path to the dark side: fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering."
What can you do to actively address your fears? It isn't engaging with the stbx.... can you get your ducks in a row to help? If she is lining up the MIL as a "character witness," can you get one in your favor?
What can you do to actively address your fears? It isn't engaging with the stbx.... can you get your ducks in a row to help? If she is lining up the MIL as a "character witness," can you get one in your favor?
I think it's standard to have these witnesses. My L asked me to give her 2, and I gave her my pastor's wife who's also a friend and our TKD instructor who also attends my church. To me it's telling that her character witness has to be a relative. I think it's prob. better to have non-relatives really, less of that family bias and all that I would think.
My H had threatened in the early court docs and you know just telling me that I might lose the kids, but seriously I've been told by everyone that unless you're basically a criminal or something that doesn't happen. I think you should let the fear go. It's going to work out like it should. BTW, I think my H has way backed off that stuff too, I think some of it is just bluffing and threats to scare us into submission or they're hoping that anyway. Karen
What can you do to actively address your fears? It isn't engaging with the stbx.... can you get your ducks in a row to help? If she is lining up the MIL as a "character witness," can you get one in your favor?
I guess the thing that bothers me is that the court systems are already biased against the husbands in custody cases. Even though shared parenting is starting to catch on in a lot of places, still most people think fair the so-called "traditional" arrangement where the father is allowed visitation only every other weekend, with an occasional day in the middle of the week thrown in. That amounts to about 78 days a year -- throw in a two week vacation and you're at the ceiling of 92 days per year. How can anyone seriously think that children can be properly fathered with so little quality time?
But with the decks already stacked against fathers as it is, I had to be an idiot and allow the toxic MIL to live in my home for the 8 months prior to the bomb. MIL has already lied to W -- absolute bold-faced lies unmistakable in their intent -- about me before, and I have absolutely no doubt MIL will lie before a judge and slander me publicly. I am not worried so much about my own reputation as much as MIL succeeding in coloring a judge's decisions to where shared custody is going to be seen as impossible.
On top of that, I know they are going to take this as their opportunity to attack my retirement funds and my 401k -- and I will be forced to do the same against STBXW. After the both of us have raided each other's meager savings, we're both going to be wiped out -- and our children will be worse for it.
No, I do have some heavy concerns about a court battle, but I need to try to not let it affect me, as best as my pessimistic self is capable.
I agree with the rest NC, you'd have to be some sort of criminal for them to deny you access. How much time are you asking for? currently stbx has my kids every other Sunday and mon-wed morning (he has 3days off) I will keep you in my prayers, I hope hope they give you a decent amount of time)))) hang in there, you are in the thick of it, this legal madness will end.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Well, the Sword of Damocles is bout to fall, any day now... I wonder how I will be served. Will she use the sheriff or certified mail?
I feel bad for your kids too. You on the other hand will prob. be better off! I know we're DBers, but I believe that!
Can you just ask your W if the sheriff will be serving you or mail? I mean you could tell her you'd like some notice so you can talk to your boys about it before the sheriff shows up at the door? I would think that would be scary for them! And of course that way you could prepare yourself also. That was one of the tougher days I've had in this, when I got the papers, and I was kind of expecting them and I got them in the mail which is prob. is easier than a Sheriff at your door!!! Karen
If you have a L already they can serve via your L. Believe it or not, I was never served. Found out about it via a nosy friend and the newspaper!!
I know here where I live the norm is one day a week and every other weekend. He was so wrapped up in codes and such that is all he asked for. He waited for the last court day to say he wanted another day. I knew the kids were already miserable with the arrangement so I said No, let's leave it the way you planned it. Now he constantly threatens me that he is going to take me back to court to get more time.
I know that you are a great dad. You can tell by the way you talk about them. You have their feelings at heart. Maybe they would accept a petition that we all could sign telling them how obvious it is that you are their rock.
Stay strong. We are all here for you.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
In my state, they seem to have 2 standard arrangements: some dads have one night a week and every other weekend (what my L says H will prob. get and more than he sees them now) or they have one week on and one week off which sounds 50/50 to me. I don't see why you wouldn't be able to have the 50/50 if you want that. I mean my H could have 50/50 prob. if he wanted it I would think. What does your L say? Karen
