H just moved out, 13 months post-bomb

[25yearsmlc]

Dawn,

Wacky....okay first off, he may very well have lost his job but got a severance package of pay for a certain number of weeks, which is why you would not know yet. But he (or she) checked your acct for a reason; to see how broke/rich you were and I would def expect finances to change soon b/c he either has NO job, or a better one and won't want anyone else to have access to it or knowledge of it. Either way, I'd be surprised if the deposits continue like before, IF this is an account you have access to. Is it? I don't see him taking a chance on you touching the money he's earning, but then again, who knows how it is going in "paradise"? He hasn't filed after all....

The average affair (whatever that is) lasts about 6 months but in your h's case they haven't had a normal amount of time since so much was long distance and in your sitch, there were other issues (IMHO) that created the opportunity for him to want to get some space.

Options on the stuff delivered...puzzling yes.....well, Why not text him that the stuff is there? As you said, it might be time sensitive? Or do we really care? Taxes? Remember that he can mortgage the house or his interest in it, in some places if you don't watch out. Have you taken ANY steps to permanently protect yourself? meaning, NO account with your money and HIS access?

Why not make sure only you have access to your account? I'm not clear on what you meant about changing the "password back". You mean so he wont' know that you know? What's your goal there? Not to rock the boat ....b/c if you did, which means you somehow protected your assets, however meager, he might....do.....what?????? Leave you? oh wait, he already did....I'm not trying to be mean but to make sure you are awake at the wheel here.

Of course, I totally might have misunderstood you. But it seems you are saying "who cares about the money?" I'm saying YOU DO, or should. Why pretend it doesn't matter b/c you "don't have much" ? Hey, If it's all you have, it is A LOT....to YOU...

How are you managing financially right now? Is he paying anything? If so, it's in your interest to know these things big time as they'll affect you greatly very soon. You will need to retire some day, and what about the health insurance? There are reasons to NOT rock the boat if you are benefiting but again, did you see a lawyer yet? Please say yes....if not, why not? Seriously ask youself that. You do NOT have to FILE if you see a L, we don't force people to do that....

There are a lot of questions still left out there that I assume you are processing or not, and that's fine. I don't have the "right" to know and you are not obligated to answer anything that makes you uncomfortable. But I notice after I post, you drop off the face of the earth and it makes me worry about posting to you.
Makes me nervous.
Glad you are at peace, but not so glad you are so isolated.

I had a project requiring my d19's friends help though d19 is in Europe, so I knew Valentine's would be a big iffy thing. Yet all 4 girls came and none of them had plans and there they were, ALL good looking 20 y/o women in my house on Valentine's day....WTH???? I had to postpone plans with my h to accomadate them! WTH? Sometimes I wonder about men that age, or boys that age...or whatever.... BUT as far as I could tell, NOT one of them cared about the holiday and none having a bf's right now...but they were happy together. So you see, not just hot to trot romanctic couples hang out on that day?? Lots of other HAPPY people... who are single!

Dawn, do you have gfs around there? What keeps you in that town, on the off chance your h does not come around, do you know where you'd go?

I've LOVED the serenity prayer for years. I'm one who needs the peace "to accept those things I cannot change" part more, than the other part. I have friends who pray for peace, and friends who pray for courage to change things, and or the wisdom to know the diff......but now, is it possible you are using the "peace accepting what you cannot change" part of that, to remain stuck?

Don't get me wrong. I DON'T KNOW....All I know is that it's a fine line between accepting what we cannot change...and watching our life go by without us really in charge of it.

I don't know where you are on that line Dawn, I really don't. I'm just throwing stuff out to see if anything strikes you as real or applicable to your sitch.

Take care of yourself, as I'm very happy you are at peace. You know what? If your bills are being paid and you are healthy, MAYBE there's no harm in waiting...except it prevents you from moving on in your life. YOU CAN MOVE ON without shutting and locking the door on a recon down the road. Sure beats "waiting" around which is what I fear a tiny bit, you might be doing. What do you think?

How are you feeling when you read this? Like I said, i don't want to put you into a funk. Let me know if you are alright. Good luck and may we ALL learn to get the "wisdom to know the difference"...in His time.

((( j )))