Indeed. W does like massage, and the only way I could pull it off is if I specifically tell her my intentions ahead of time.
Might be best saved for a later time however, once I have built more trust. She may still just take it as me wanting to get my hands on her. Especially since last time she could tell I was frustrated she backed out of ML.
Had a good night tonight. We ate out and went shopping as a family. Was a fun time. She asked me what I want for V Day. What I really want is her dressed in something daring, but I just said "nothing, a card is fine". I don't want to pressure her at all.
Spellfire aka Mike
"Women do not like controlling men. They respect and are attracted to men who control themselves. They ultimately are repelled by men who allow themselves to be controlled." -S&A
I think waiting on the personal massage is a good idea.
But wanting nothing for V Day? Will she believe that? I might be inclined to think, "Yeah, right. I know what he wants and I'm waiting for him to make the moves on Saturday."
Perhaps you can suggest doing something as a family? Tell her you want to celebrate with the two most important women in your life. That may be too cheesy, but you get the idea.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
Make an appointment for both of you to get a massage together. You are both on table in the same room. Arrange a babysitter and then go for a nice meal or something. You probably couldn't do it this Saturday with so little notice but make if for the following weekend or the next and give her a card with the info and the date. Then you know she will get the massage, you both enjoy it together and while you are both relaxed you spend some nice time together over a meal.
Let her know that this is for you both to spend no-sexual intimate time together and enjoy each other company and you have no expectations.
Me-38 W-44 D8 & D6 together '95, Wed '97, Bomb 11/18/08 Still in same house
Tell her you want to celebrate with the two most important women in your life. That may be too cheesy, but you get the idea.
Aw that's sweet. I would love to tell her that actually.
Originally Posted By: hopefulinEG
Make an appointment for both of you to get a massage together.
Not a bad idea but I think I will have to wait on this one as you said.
Imma think real hard and do the family thing this V Day. Maybe I will just buy them both flowers, cook them dinner w/ a movie, and then take them out for dessert after. Pretty simple I know, but I think they will appreciate it if I make a big deal about it all.
Thanks for the feedback, I really do appreciate it and it is keeping my spirits up while I wait for some kind of physical connection to happen (12 days and counting, lol?). To quote W "you have gone much longer than this in the past, why are you making such a big deal about it now?"
sf
Spellfire aka Mike
"Women do not like controlling men. They respect and are attracted to men who control themselves. They ultimately are repelled by men who allow themselves to be controlled." -S&A
Well I was off work yesterday, so I was going to use the time to plan things and do some shopping. I had something to do in the morning, then my MIL calls and she is sick and can't watch D4. So I went to pick up D4 and took her to get some lunch. After lunch we played for a while, then she had her nap and that was the best part of the afternoon over with. W arrived home not long after D4 woke up.
Looks like it's going to be a rush job. I think it's going to be card w/ gift certificate to the spa + flowers for her and D4.
Spellfire aka Mike
"Women do not like controlling men. They respect and are attracted to men who control themselves. They ultimately are repelled by men who allow themselves to be controlled." -S&A
Ended up with a card, and gift cert to spa for W. Flowers for D4, which made W very happy also since D4 was so happy and wouldn't let go of them lol. So cute. Had a nice day. W went to bed early and I am staying up too late! Tomorrow we are going out for breakfast, so i best go sleep now.
Still reading PM, but not finding much time to concentrate on it. I'm about 100 pages in so far.
Spellfire aka Mike
"Women do not like controlling men. They respect and are attracted to men who control themselves. They ultimately are repelled by men who allow themselves to be controlled." -S&A
1. Never apologize. 2. You are not sorry if you are continuing. 3. If you need physical contact, don't just sigh, say something. 4. Asking to hold her is not telling her I need physical contact.
EDIT: Clarification, apologies were for keeping her up way past her bedtime.
Last edited by spellfire; 02/17/0904:17 AM.
Spellfire aka Mike
"Women do not like controlling men. They respect and are attracted to men who control themselves. They ultimately are repelled by men who allow themselves to be controlled." -S&A
W randomly told me last night "we can't do anything tonight, you know that right?"
Err? Where did she get that idea. I think it was an assumption on her part that I wanted to . We were hugging earlier and she was holding onto me tight for a while. Maybe she felt something and figured I did too? Maybe she is conscious of the fact that we haven't ML for 21 days...is it unhealthy if I keep count? Maybe those longer hugs send her the message that I want to? I understand long hugs send a "more than friends" message, but it doesn't have to say "lets do it tonight". Why does she feel the need to make a preemptive strike when I never even mentioned the subject?
I told her I am working on separating physical affection from sexual attention so that she feels comfortable hugging me or sitting close to me again. She told me it's hard to do that when she knows I am frustrated. I told her I am working on that and she said "oh really?" in a suspicious voice, as if I meant I was getting it somewhere else. I told her the frustration is not a physical thing, it is emotional. I am working on not feeling angry or resentful, which is what causes me frustration. She thinks I am sexually frustrated (which I am at times) but it is nothing compared to the emotional frustration I go through due to the feeling of being rejected over and over again.
I asked to hold her in bed before we went to sleep. She acted annoyed, kind of like "I knew it", but again my intentions weren't sexual. It is going to take a long time before she trusts my intentions again.
What does all this mean? Not sure really, but it feels relevant somehow.
Spellfire aka Mike
"Women do not like controlling men. They respect and are attracted to men who control themselves. They ultimately are repelled by men who allow themselves to be controlled." -S&A
Keeping count of the days... I don't know. I think it probably isn't a good thing, because you should be focused on yourself more than what you're not getting. I'm not a good one to comment on this, but I feel for you, Mike.
It might not take as long as you think for her to trust that you aren't just looking for some action. As long as you are consistent and transparent (outward, verbal, honest) about what you are after in each moment.
