The way you talk about your boys is very heart warming. You are a great dad, I just know it and your boys will feel your love no matter what the living situation is. I moved quite a bit when I was small and it really didn't matter. I remember having a loving parent who is constant and calm was very reassuring. Second most important is friends. So after you move try to be more social so your boys will have friends to play with.
Me:39 H:40 S:9 D:7 First Bomb ONS:June 07 Second Bomb OW: March 08 Separated: March 08 M:15 yrs T:18 yrs H deep into A with OW Achieved ACCEPTANCE May 30, 09
KenF! So nice to hear from you. Yes, I think the incendiary books and friends certainly contribute to the destruction - though right now, from where I sit and look at my life today - and how I see B today - I understand more about how inevitable this situation was. What she found in the books she read was just what she needed to convince herself that she was right - she wanted proof that I was an abusive husband - and she found it - she wanted proof that our marriage was just a phase - and she found that in another book...now, when she wants support for her insistence that S2 would be adversely affected by spending a night at my place - she finds it in another book (though I think that proof is mostly the product of some faulty reading/interpretation on her part).
Still, for all the books she read and the extent to which she went to vilify me as a way of justifying her decision - I don't fault her for it - rather, I see that I too was playing into a role that I didn't want to play. I was allowing myself to be defined by a negative relationship - and I was still looking for a way to make sense of why people I love would treat me badly by trying to stay with someone that has, throughout our relationship, treated our relationship like an afterthought. It's who and how she is - and for whatever reason, I sought out her way of being as a way of understanding something that I would have done better to look into myself to understand...
While it's still hard to move forward with so many dramatic changes - I am finding ways to look forward to it as well. Decorating a new place with my S11 will be fun - so too will getting to know the new neighborhood.
Purple - if you're reading this - the apartment we're hoping to get is just a block from an enormous park - with tennis courts, soccer fields, an endless playground, and a farmer's market on Saturdays...should make for a lot of time spent outside.
Hi Veronica and PositivelyMommy, I'm doing well...and have been having a great weekend with my older boy. We miss having his baby brother with us this weekend - but I'm sure he's having fun with B's family...so we just focused on making the most of our time together.
I think we may have found a new apartment yesterday - and S11 was very excited about it - especially the view from what would be his bedroom. We just have to wait to hear from the building owners now and see if I meet their standards....
During our drive to the dumpling house last night, S11 and I had just an amazing conversation. Out of the blue he told that he thought I didn't look complete when I was still with B. He said that I had this look on my face like I just wasn't complete. I asked him what he meant by complete - and if he thought I still had that look - to which he said that I look a lot more complete to him now. As for what it means to be complete, his suggestion was to "go with the flow more" and just try to live in the moment...I told him that I might have to kick his butt for figuring out at 11 what took me 38 years to learn...he loved that.
I'm hoping that my boys will be able to meet some other kids when we move. It does make a huge, huge difference for them to have friends. S2 has his little collection of friends at his school - but I'll still have to make a point of getting out more and spending time with other people that have kids. That's a great reminder, PM. Thank you.
I have a bothersome cold this morning...hopefully not the flu (which S2 had all week) - so I'm going to have to wrangle S11 into making breakfast this morning...
Happy Sunday back at you Carlos!! Kids at 2 are still on the self and world discovery mode. They don't connect with "friends"much yet. 3 to 4 is the age when they really start enjoying friends... So, don't worry about S2.
I hope you get the apartment you like. The surroundings sound great! K
Hi Everyone... So...I got the apartment...which thrills my son...and then the agency called me back to offer me another place that's in a slightly better area - and within a better school district...and this other apartment also has a pool...so...it would kind of depend on what else is nearby...since that park and the farmers market were both big selling points on the original place...
The funny thing is that based on my credit check they want to offer me a more expensive place - but for just $25 more than what I would be paying for the place I had already seen...interesting...
Other than that, I've just been spending the day with my S11 since he doesn't have school today - and we just got back from his favorite bakery (where I think we both ate way too much for lunch).
We've both missed my baby boy a lot this weekend - and B finally let me know today that they won't be back until late this evening...Perhaps I had made a mistake of waiting for her to do the right thing in letting me know her travel plans - she just doesn't have any respect for my time with my baby boy...
That's what's been keeping me busy today...I have been feeling a touch better - still have a cold - and am drinking loads of fluids...which has helped - though my head feels like it's in a pressure pot...
Hey Carlos, it's nice to know that you have options in the apartment front at least, right? Sounds like you have your pick of places. A pool is fantastic for kids and for you too, what a coup!
I have just realized that a lot of the things my H does isn't really intentional. I think your W may just wantt to be with the baby a little longer and not thinking about the impact this has on you. Don't worry, it's good that she wants to spend time with him anyway, right? I'd rather that than the opposite which is that she doesn't want to be near them at all. She is in a fog now so she is only thinking of herself and not about consequences of her actions. Not excuses for her but just the way it is. Are you totally dark or could you perhaps bring it up in such a way that is non-threatening so that you can organize your life a little bit better with a proper vistation plan that is more doable?
Me:39 H:40 S:9 D:7 First Bomb ONS:June 07 Second Bomb OW: March 08 Separated: March 08 M:15 yrs T:18 yrs H deep into A with OW Achieved ACCEPTANCE May 30, 09
Hey Carlos That's great you find a new place. I am excited for you, a new start you know. Another thing can be checked off the list...!!! You S11's comment is so true. That just proves that you are in a lot better shape than before. I have no doubt you boy will find some new friends. You don't have to worry about that at all.
Keep up the great process, my friend.
NW626
Me:33 STBXW:38 S:3 It's not whether you win or lose, it's how you fight the fight....!!
Carlos, congrats on the apartment, thats exciting, a way to make a fresh start, new memories. i'm hoping to someday be able to move out of this place into a house of my own. but that will have to wait until i find out my financial situation.
tough decision, which place to choose. a good school is important, but a farmers market and park is great too considering how spending time outside, soccer, seems to make you happy and helps you find your center.
either way, seems like either choice is a no-lose choice.
there was a family day in New Brunswick, my stbx and i took our daughter, saw a small family circus - just some juggling and such, then a mask making seminar - glueing paper onto a plastic mask. Zo loved it. it was a comfortable day, nice to spend time together, i can honestly say i felt nothing, no discomfort, no stress. i did having a feeling of what could have been, what was being lost. i didnt feel any pain, for the most part it just a simple day with the 3 of us. it means nothing, but she touched my arm as i got out of the car with Zo. kinda threw me a bit, dont think it meant anything, just struck me as odd.
take care of yourself Carlos, that flu that was going around was a monster.
"In a ham and eggs breakfast, the hen is involved, but the pig is committed".
