M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
W and I were supposed to talk on the D details this weekend - actually V-day night - how romantic! She was too tired and went to bed. Sunday night she made her special vodka cream sauce pasta and I ate up two platefuls (take note).
While cleaning up after dinner, she told me we still need to talk and that she wasn't avoiding the subject last night (heaven forbid). Anyway, we started talking on the some details and then she (again) threw out the comment "I hope we can still be friends after this is over". It hit me the wrong way this time and I said if she didn't want my friendship in the M, why in the world would she want it now. She also wanted to get the D over in more like 60 days even though my L said in our county it takes more like 6 months. It went downhill from there, and I eventually took off in my car. I drove around for 40 minutes then came home.
When I came home, I was freezing even though it was only about 35 outside. I went to bed and got the chills. Then around 10:00pm I got up and threw up violently for a couple of minutes, and then staggered back to bed. This morning I had flu like symptoms, all achy and could only get up for work around 10:00am.
I thought I was on board of the D train, but something in my body told me I was not last night. I guess the reality is sinking in. After getting very physically fit last year, one of my goals this year was to make my mind as strong and fit as possible. Last night, my mind and body collapsed. A new low, but one I don't want to linger on. I know there's new highs in my new future.
No, it's my bad. I forgot I shortened my name to Scookie for a while, it's back to smartcookie. Try again.
sorry
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
so did she poison you ?? I was going to ask for the vodka sauce recipe. (tomato said I should show my bizarre sick sense of humor more often)
<<I hope we can still be friends after this is over.
when women say this, they don't mean "friends" friends.... they mean, I hope you won't get all ugly just because we're going our separate ways & I may be breaking your heart.
I'm afraid of what you will or can do to me because you're a man & I'm a woman & I know men are stronger & more powerful financially & physically.
It will get better. I don't know when or how. But it will.
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
Thanks for the humor. I think the impending D has been more poisonous than the 2 minutes of vomiting, but it did cross my mind. I think it was just a 24 hour flu bug that I caught.
I hear you on your "friends" analysis. I think you're right on that she wants a peaceful exit. When we talked on it that night, she mentioned that she thought it would be better co-parenting if we were friends. She also said that she was the type of person that doesn't want to be disliked by anyone. It won't get ugly, but she is breaking my (and probably my kids') heart. She's not afraid of my physical strength, but of being disliked. I would never touch her in a non-loving way.
I still think of my 24 hour bug after our argument as coincidental, but also as a sign (from above?). I think of the quote from Coach:
>>This crisis in my life is not what I want but it's what I have been dealt. It will be the defining moment of the middle of my life. So I have to play it the way a great man would. Be true to myself, love my kids, honor my marriage, continue to love my wife, take responsibiliy for me, be a warrior and honor the Creator. <<
I need to honor my marriage and continue to love my wife. It's tough to do since she's not coming back, but I need to find some forgiveness and show her love and not let hate creep into any part of my life.
Ending the week in much better health than I started. The bug took hold of me for most of Monday and some of Tuesday, and I actually got back into the gym by Wednesday night.
Trying to stay busy while I wait for the D papers. W hasn't initiated any D talk or pre-mediation negotiations, and I wonder, at times, if I should show my openness by initiating the conversation. Advice anyone???
Spent a little time this week laying out some of our household assets on paper so I can mentally prepare for the dividing up. I think it's helping me get ready for the separation of "stuff". Also spent some time looking at my finances with (estimated) full child support deducted - to see what kind of mortgage I can afford once the D is done.
The details of the D are messy but less scary than it used to be in my mind. These days I spend more time thinking of the D phase and less about my W coming back. I don't want to push her out of my life, but I am ready for a new life without her.
sorry
(tomato said I should show my bizarre sick sense of humor more often)