Ahh...it's such a fine line to walk. You have to decide. Do you want to be married or do you want to be right? I think you did need to give her a way back in. She opted not to take it. She knows it's there. Let it go. I know it's hard.
John, what I finally realized this weekend is that i have to let God handle this one. Lord, please don't let me sound preachy. That is not me. I believe unconditionally in God, absolutely. But do I go to church? No. Doesn't mean I don't believe, just means I have my own way. I needed so bad to be able to do something to make this M work, that I was doing EVERYTHING and NOTHING was working. Finally, Sunday morning in class, the prof tells me I have a good heart, that I'm still a good person. I want to cry but I don't. It occurs to me that maybe it's not God's will. Maybe if I would get out of the dang way, God's plan could unfold. Realize this is only day two of this plan. So I haven't had time to break down in it yet. Going to try not to. Maybe if I get out of the way, trying to make my H see things can be different, God can show him in his heart that things can be different. And if not, then it's not how things were supposed to be. There's a better plan. And I trust in that. I trust that God will do the right thing for this family, even though it may not be what I want. I was calmer after that.
Went to see the C today. She could tell the difference as I retold an argument H and I had last night. She mentioned there are three people in us. The adult, the parent, and the child. When we are mad or hurt, the first person to usually come out is the child. And we react like the child. We need to try and make the adult come out first. Or at least keep the kid shutup til the adult can get there. Ask ourselves...what would the adult do?
Good luck.
Melissa
"Standing knee deep in a river and dying of thirst."
