Your welcome. I wish you & your kids the best always. You know that.
Hugs
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
how are the kiddos? my younger two come back tomorrow from florida and seeing disney......i miss them.
M 36 XH 34 3 children If a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand. Mark 3:25 "your mood swings are giving me whiplash" twilight ALIVE FREE AND HAPPY 2010
W and I talked some about telling them tonight. I think we are on the same page. And both intimidated by it. She is worried that because she is moving out she will get the blame from them. I told her I would do what I could to prevent that. I imagine she will get plenty of blame from them no matter what I do, but that is NOT what I want.
She is thinking of getting a nice TV for her new place, though it might live here for a while first. She wants to get it after we tell the kids. On the one hand it feels like buying them off, on the other, I think it is showing them that they will be comfortable in both homes.
We talked more about money, she has started to crunch numbers, and squeeze a bit. I think that it still works, there are a couple of advantages that she is leaving me with (hopefully the house will actually rebound), that I will use to offset trying to make sure she has what she needs. Especially since setting up her house really comes down to setting up a place for the kids. If that cost me some extra money now, it is worth it in the long run, in my opinion. As long as I don't hamstring myself, it is ok.
She was looking online at more houses today, I even looked with her for a while. It's a bit weird, but....
I need to try to get conclusive answers to the question of whether she is going to have trouble getting her mortgage. I don't see how she can, but she needs to be convinced that it will work. She's afraid that someone selling mortgages will say, no problem (to get the nice refi) and then forget they ever said it when it comes to her's. I think that the trick to make sure might be to do the refi now, and her mortgage after we have filed. I need to talk to a lawyer....
Hey.... I know an almost lawyer..... Michelle!!!!!!
wow, I cant imagine being that corgil with my H if it comes to that. no way. you are a great man. I am still praying for you and the kiddos. and yes, talk to a lawyer!!
M 36 XH 34 3 children If a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand. Mark 3:25 "your mood swings are giving me whiplash" twilight ALIVE FREE AND HAPPY 2010
see you are a better man, cause he would only leave if no kids were home, and my help would be throwing it all out the front door lol. or maybe packing it up for him and leaving it in the ow's front yard.
M 36 XH 34 3 children If a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand. Mark 3:25 "your mood swings are giving me whiplash" twilight ALIVE FREE AND HAPPY 2010
You mean refi it in your name only? Then have her apply for a mortgage on her own?
It will be difficult for both of you. You both will have to do it based on your separate income. And your credit score drops when you get D because your income to debt ratio changes so much.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
I think the plan would be to do it before we D. Based on the numbers we should qualify seperately (actually with some room to spare) for what we are trying to do. She is worried that because it is a community property state that my new mortgage would could count against her, even though it would be in my name only. I was going under the assumption that the view that the state takes on things and the view that the lenders would take on things would be different. We could qualify and do it all together. But then we would both be living with mortgages in our names that we were counting on someone else to pay. Over the long haul, that seems dumb. And refinancing immediately would seem pretty stupid, too.
I'm not even sure what flavor of expert is right to answer the question, and I don't want to tip my hand to the wrong one!
IMO - check into doing your refi in both names, then buy the place for W and kids in both names, get your D, then do a quit claim deed to each other, and you'll probably eventually refinance seperately.
Can I back up to the posts about the kids and what's right or wrong or best or worst? beep beep beep.... When my mom told us kids that she was divorcing our 'dad' I think I felt relief. I thought finally. I was less than 10 years old.
Even though we are all here due to similar sitchs, each one of us still has our own sitch and each has a different twist, a different style, a different feeling. Some stories here are gut wrenching to read about how the kids are emotional and get torn apart between the parents. Other kids seem to fly thru hardly scathed. Since you've made the decision to D, the best you can do is to be sure your kids feel loved and wanted. 2 cents, throw me the change if you want.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
