H has officially filed. Please help me!!!!!

[lynn08]

Wow girl, it sounds like it was a big day for you. Are you doing ok?

Sounds like you are at a point that I was at a few weeks ago. I told my H to leave the house, since I didn't have a place to go (all his family is here, mine is out of state) He wasn't happy either, but you are right...you cannot let them get too comfortable because that is when the cake-eating starts...and that's when I knew i had to make a change...a 180

I figured, "ok, he wants a D, then he is going to see what being D from me is going to be like"

Don't listen to the threats. My H did the same thing. "you aren't going to get any money" or "if you try to take my money then I am sticking all the debt on you", etc, etc. This passed because I just smiled and told him that he didn't have to tell me the laws and what my rights where..I have a L do to that for me! He just wants to scare you.

I know its hard right now, but you "did something different" and now you can work on yourself and GAL and sit back to see what happens. Ill be checking in on you!

[Silver Fox]

Hello MIP,

I just finished reading both your threads. So sorry you are going through this. My sitch is similar except we have no children.

This house is one big unfinished project. All projects that he
started and did not finish.

Just living here is a reminder of how he has hurt me and thrown
me a way like a piece of trash.

My gosh I could have written this myself. Except my H is living in an apartment and visiting his OW 200 miles away EVERY weekend. I want so much to pick up the phone and say - It's my turn to move out, you need to come back, pay the bills, take care of the dogs, and fix the house so it can be sold. It would turn his world upside down!

Bravo for taking a stand for yourself and your children. Keep us posted and hang in there.

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

Hope your H is not holding his breath on the Custody and Spousal support being a given. Get a good attorney--ask for references, as I am sure there are people you know who can make some. Check this out:

http://www.wsba.org/media/publications/pamphlets/Dissolution.htm

SMW

[MomInPain]

Wow girl, it sounds like it was a big day for you. Are you doing ok?

Jenn, Yes! I'm actually doing really well. It was nice to see the look of surprise and worry on H's face. He really is screwed if he has to live here and pay me cs and ss. He is freaking out!
I'm going to let him sweat it out for a few days but he knows that I plan to be moving by the end of the month. We may have to do a 2 bd for a little while but my kiddos are fine with that.

There are a couple of things that I'm working on such as him having the kids more than every other week, and getting visitation for our cats. lol

....I want so much to pick up the phone and say - It's my turn to move out, you need to come back, pay the bills, take care of the dogs, and fix the house so it can be sold. It would turn his world upside down!

Bravo for taking a stand for yourself and your children. Keep us posted and hang in there.

Thank you Silver, it really does feel good. I wouldn't have done it if I didn't think it was for the best. But at the same time there is a small part of me that will miss this piece of crap house. lol

Hope your H is not holding his breath on the Custody and Spousal support being a given. Get a good attorney--ask for references, as I am sure there are people you know who can make some. Check this out:

http://www.wsba.org/media/publications/pamphlets/Dissolution.htm

SMW

SMW, thank you for the link. He's actually got it in his head that he doesn't have to pay ss. lol He hasn't read much. In WA there is precedence for spousal support when married more than 5 years, also age and how long it would take to educate or get a job etc. that will support you in the manner to which you are accustomed to. He has no clue. We've been married for 12 years and I've been a stay at home mom for 10 of those years and gave up an education or career. I sort of feel sorry for him. Poor DAM.

[MomInPain]

Well tomorrow I start Apt hunting and I will make an appt
with an A for a consult.

Should be interesting to see how this week plays out.

How H handles himself with the new development.

If I know him, he'll put on like it's all good.

No problem.

He's happy now as long as he's not with me.

That's fine.

Only he knows how he really feels.

He has no control over what I will do with my life.

And that makes all the difference.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I did it. I guess you could call it my LRT.

Told him I didn't want the house. There were only a few things
I wanted in it, and he could keep the rest.

This house is one big unfinished project. All projects that he
started and did not finish.

Just living here is a reminder of how he has hurt me and thrown
me a way like a piece of trash.

So I'll be moving me and the kids out on the 1st of March.

I told him today. He was definitely not happy.

Oh well, you must live with the consequences of your decisions.

He said he wouldn't be paying me spousal support if I move.

I told him I would be seeing an A this week to discuss my rights.

He told me that spousal support is not required in WA.

I told him I am not worried about that. I need to do what is
good for me and our kids. He chose to end our marriage and
our family as we knew it, and now he would have to deal with
the consequences.

This is a complete 180 for me as before I was just accepting
everthing he was giving me. Hopething that he would change his
mind.

Now I could care less what he does. I don't want him to suffer,
but I certainly don't want him to be comfortable either.

I'm done venting for now. Thanks for reading.

atta-girl! Yeah, baby!!!!

[Puppy Dog Tails]

SMW, thank you for the link. He's actually got it in his head that he doesn't have to pay ss. lol He hasn't read much. In WA there is precedence for spousal support when married more than 5 years, also age and how long it would take to educate or get a job etc. that will support you in the manner to which you are accustomed to. He has no clue. We've been married for 12 years and I've been a stay at home mom for 10 of those years and gave up an education or career. I sort of feel sorry for him. Poor DAM.

As many of you folks know, I hate the term "DAM," because I think it's disrespectful and demeaning. In this case, I think it applies.

Puppy

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

VA is very supportive of the LBS spouse and even lengthens the D process by a year when only one wants it. DH will have to pay for all of my schooling, as well. Right now, he is looking at approximately $50K in school loan debt that he will have to shoulder from me. He had also spoken to many about my going to law school, so he will get that $125K debt, as well. I have not worked for over 5 years, we have been married for 14. The financial repercussions for my DH are mindboggling. He stands to lose, at minimum, 50-75% of his retirement from the military, as well as a 401K like program we enrolled in while married. He has yet to see all of the financials. The true irony of it all? He is the one that encouraged me to pursue a career in Family Law so I could make a difference for the many spouses who get screwed over in the D process.

Blessings, grace, and dignity~
SMW

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

SMW, thank you for the link. He's actually got it in his head that he doesn't have to pay ss. lol He hasn't read much. In WA there is precedence for spousal support when married more than 5 years, also age and how long it would take to educate or get a job etc. that will support you in the manner to which you are accustomed to. He has no clue. We've been married for 12 years and I've been a stay at home mom for 10 of those years and gave up an education or career. I sort of feel sorry for him. Poor DAM.

As many of you folks know, I hate the term "DAM," because I think it's disrespectful and demeaning. In this case, I think it applies.

Puppy

Puppy--

It is not an expression I am overly fond of, either, and eradicated it quickly from my DB vocab. However, for some of these men, it certainly does fit.

Blessings, grace, and dignity~
SMW

[MomInPain]

It's so hard to feel good about any of this.

I feel like I make mistakes in all of this left and right.

Had I not pushed him to tell me what was going on, maybe
he wouldn't have felt the need to file so quick.

Had I not professed my love to him and tell him how much he
means to me and how important it was for us to remain a family,
maybe he wouldn't have wanted out so badly.

So, is making him take our home back the right thing? Maybe.

Part of me hopes that by being here, he remembers everything we
shared, hoped, and dreamed of.

Part of me hopes that by having the kids more than every other week, he will realize that whatever freedom he seems to be seeking, nothing will be as good as it was when we were a family.

Part of me hopes that if he has to live in our marital home he really thinks twice about the decision he is making to end us and everything we had planned.

Back to reality. And apt hunting.