Standing on the Edge

[native]

I agree with you Msm, about W getting too close and acting crazy to distance herself.

I think it is fantastic that she actually owned up to her actions instead of continuing to blame me for everything.

I just have gotten to the point that validating and understanding and forbearing seem to no longer be serving my goal. I think that serious distancing is what is the best right now.

I am pretty hurt and angry. I can't justify her behaviour towards me. It is verging on abusive.

I think she has some faulty beliefs about love, that others make you feel some way and if they don't make you feel it, then you must have made a mistake.

I have lost all respect for her. I feel sorry for her, but I do not respect her for her behaviour or her beliefs.

It really isn't ok. I can't accept this behavior. I can forgive, but I will not accept it.

She suffers from depression, you know that. She also said that our counselor once told her I needed to be on medication for anxiety. Most of my anxiety was over her crazy behavior. So the He** with that.

I don't know if I will 'date' yet. I just know that for the first time I am seriously considering moving on, in fact, not just for show or to get her to notice.

She would never press for full custody. She is not willing to be a full time mother. She is trying to re-live her pre-marriage single years. So me dating would not be used against me to gain custody. She also did not ask for alimony in the seperation agreement, because at the time she falsely thought she was earning more than me and did not want to be giving me any money.

Even after we sat down with her family and put the earnings info on the table and she saw I was earning and paying for at least half of our expenses.

Since she left I have had to assume about $1500 more in monthly debt, since I took on the mortgage. Fortunately, since she left I have been blessed with more than adequate work and have generally been able to meet my obligations with some to spare.

Anyway, she needs to roast in her own juices for a while. I am done with the drama.