Finding me......again

[Dawn of Hope]

if there is OW in the picture, more then likely she is paying alot more attention to her looks, and to your Husband then you were.

Maybe it is superficial and shallow, but Men are attracted to physical beauty first. It is how they are made, they can't help it. They notice Women.

Well, let's see. My H had a size 6 (now size 2, thanks to the MLC diet) wife who may not have had a face to launch 1000 ships, but was in better shape and more fit than any woman (of any age) he knew. He left her for a woman half her age, who also did not have a face to launch ships, but was two or three times the size of his W--she probably tipped the scales at over 300 pounds. He went from shopping the smaller sizes at Victoria's Secret to Googling "plus size lingerie."

Did the fact that I didn't wear makeup or care much about clothes (I pay more attention to those things now, though I will never be a fashion diva) make me so worthless in his eyes that he would rather be with someone who significantly outweighed him, even though he had never before indicated any interest in any woman who wasn't on the slim side? I really doubt it.

We can all make ourselves look better, which will in fact make us feel better, which will give you a feeling of self confidence.

Oh...I think I see where I went wrong now. I suffered from untreated depression for years and years, and even after I started treatment, my self-esteem was completely shot, so I wasn't always fun to be around. (Contrary to what those of us with depression wish, meds only take the edge off...they don't actually make one happy, although one does feel *better* with them if they are adjusted right.)

I do sometimes wonder if I still would have gotten dumped by my H if the illness I had suffered from was something that was more obviously physical, like cancer or some such.

BND,

I agree that we often let ourselves go, once a relationship becomes 'certain'.

But what I think triggers someone to have an affair, is being given ATTENTION and CREDIT for deeds done by another person. This person isn't always better dressed or better looking, but they have a way of giving compliments to the soul, therefore reaching that person's heart in exactly the right way, and off they go to have an affair !

So, not only should we look after ourselves, we must also not forget to compliment our spouse !

I think this has something to do with what happened in my sitch. But I *still* think I WAS complimenting my H and doing the ego-boosting things for him. I was always careful about that. I never called him names or tried to tell him how horrible he was. I'm certainly not claiming I was perfect in that regard; I'm sure I could have done better, and I may be forgetting things, but I don't think I was so bad as to justify his going off with someone else. On the other hand, I don't think *anything* justifies going off with someone else...so I suppose I might be considered biased.

Okay, don't mind me, I'm just having a little pity party at the moment. You are not required to join in, and are free to smack me if you think it appropriate.

You may now return to your regularly-scheduled thread.

Peace,
Dawn

P.S. BND, I am very happy to hear that you had a great V-Day! Thank you for inspiring and helping the rest of us!