Walk Away German Wife (WAGW)

[PortlandDad]

Shark: Harsh, but point taken. You are right about how she must be feeling. I did make her out to be second-best for years; I completely took her for granted. It was MY selfishness and MY self-centeredness that contributed mightily to my current sitch. A year ago I don't think I would have admitted to that, but today, with the benefit of crystal-clear hindsight, I understand where I screwed up. I make no defense for my what I did because my old attitude and actions (or inactions) toward my W are indefensible.

You are right about the whining and whimpering. These things don't cast me in a very positive light and I am working to remedy that. She called me again today just to see if I thought it was a good idea if she came to visit the boys and me. I was upbeat and completely level-headed and told her that I thought it was fine and that the kids would love to have her, even if only for two weeks. Since we were already talking about the R a little, I let her know that I did not want a divorce. Again, I was completely level-headed during this whole time.

She seemed to be in better spirits today, too, and she confided in me that she also did not want a divorce, and had only insisted that we file because she felt guilty that she was "stringing me along". I'm not entirely sure how to interpret that, but I did tell her that I didn't feel I was being strung along, and that I was working on me right now and trying to be a better parent to our three kids. It gaves me a glimmer of hope, but obviously the road is going to be long and I need more patience.

Stuck: You are spot on about not being pushy. My actions of many years contributed to this problem, and I need to back off more and let her deal with her sitch, too. I do believe that she knows what she is doing is wrong, but she is also feeling a sense of accomplishment and "aliveness" that she seemed to be unable to attain when she was here with me. I do support her becoming and growing into a more confident, educated, and whole person... I just wish that we were able to do it together instead of thousands of miles apart.

This will take a long time; there is no quick fix. I am good for the long slug, though.

Thanks for all the advice and comments!