I will be going through w/the pension and right now I'm thinking of taking Ali's advice and softening the opening a bit by telling XW how saddened I am that she would accuse me of not putting D's wishes out first. I will then list most of what I put down before - this is business and not personal and we need to keep D out of it as it isn't about her.
What I'm not sure is since she fired off in her e-mail her take on the "choices" I made, do I mention the line back to her that "we've all made choices and we have to be accountable for our actions"? I'm not sure if I add that line in or not.
On another note, although it is a little late, I did set a boundary w/my XW yesterday. She had asked if my sister (who she hates) was coming down w/my mother this week to visit. When I told her no she wasn't, her text reply was "thank God." I was driving at the time and didn't address it, but I should have.
Anyway, I sent her a text last night simply saying, "When you heard my sister wasn't coming down, you replied thank God. In the future, please don't bad mouth her b/c she is my sister and I love her." End of text. No reply...of course.
Anyway, I'll most likely write her back tomorrow, so I'll continue to get feedback on my offerings as well as what you think of what she wrote to me.
I'm getting a lot of good things from you so far. Kalni, Ali, Kerry, and bizarre thank you for taking the time to give me some input.
