WAW - Very confused and devestated - pt 2

[MrBond]

CIPA,

Unfortunately your W is similar to mine in that they are in charge of their own hurt. She keeps bringing up the past as to how she can't get past what you did before. Well you know what? Tough!

The past is the past. She needs to move on and get over it. You can't and shouldn't keep trying to make up for what happened before. You're already doing everything you can.

She has to learn that you don't control her feelings, she does. If she feels like leaving you is the best option, she's dead wrong. All she's doing is running away from the problem just like my W. If she were to stop for a moment, forget about the past and honestly look to see what they have right here, right now, she wouldn't be leaving.

I'm sure that she wasn't in your marriage either and did things wrong. Did you linger on those? No. She needs to get over herself like she was perfect. She has to love herself first before expecting you to fulfill that need. I think it's trying to come out of her, but because you're there, you're an easy target to be the "source" of her misery.

It's obvious deep down she feels you two can work out. But, it's her own head that's preventing her. Overwhelm that side of her brain with compassion but dont' smother her. That's why I still say that letting her leave is the best way. Be the one to suggest and initiate it. From your recent posts, she's slowly slipping away anyway just like my W was. Then I kicked her out, set my boundaries and after awhile, she came back.

She still considers us "separated", but I feel that that's a defensive mechanism so that she can keep her emotions to herself. You'll run into the same thing but I really do feel you have a great shot at this. Just tell her that you love her so much that you are willing to let her go. It's tough and scary, but I think it needs to be done. She's obviously blaming you for more things each day.

Try reading "Love Must be Tough" by James Dobson. It explains it in detail. Good luck my friend.