WAW - Very confused and devestated - pt 2

[confusedinpa]

Part of my angst is also related to how she says she feels that we've moved from roommates sharing a house to roommates that are friends.

How do we get past friends?

She said she's afraid to be vulnerable again as she can't get past the hurt that I've caused her to want me as a husband, or even decide to plant a new seed of love. Once she expressed sadness of ever having someone just hold her and kiss her and love her, especially since she now has "baggage". She know's that I want to be that person, she just can't accept it from me. I was actually she considered our 2 kids "baggage", but I didn't press that.

She's hurt because I made her feel lonely/abandoned as I ignored her and did not make her feel important or even interested in her. What most disturbing to me is how she felt that I was mean to her. At first I thought she was talking about how I was mean by ignoring her emotional needs, but this past few days she talked about how I would do things that she felt was mean.

The only thing she offered is when we would have people over and if I asked her for something and she didn't jump on it right away, I made the mean face. She would then feel really upset and not want to be there any more. She felt I was embarrassing her by making her look bad. I didn't realize that I did that, but I started to read more about emotional abuse (I just picked up the book Love without Hurt) and it really scares me.

I know this is a big issue and I need to make sure this is part of my 180 to give my marriage a chance. She's recognized that I haven't done anything like this in the last few weeks.

If anyone has any thoughts/experience with this, it would really help me.

I hope she brings it up in counseling tonite so we can talk more about it. I know I will bring it up in my therapy appointment (who is also our counselor).

She knows I bought the Love without Hurt book. I started to read the boot camp portion - seems very doable. I'm more concerned about how I didn't realize how I was doing it and why.

I really need help with this as I know I have no chance if I can't figure this out.