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[Punktmann]

Lyfe, this is a tough time of year for the LBS, that doesn't mean we should sit around and contemplate the lint in our belly-buttons.

What are your ideas about GAL-ing?

If you can't think of at least one or two, then you should take a step back and consider. It's kind of like a safety belt, by finding some ways to GAL back you'll build your safety cushion as well as become more like the man she first met.


Grace said,

Sadly, anger is part of the process. What do you do when you get angry to diffuse it?

Heck yes that's part of the process. Let's not fool ourselves. You have to manage that part of your life though so it doesn't manage you, work out, walk, run, hammer nails, build something. Anger is damaging to you, not anyone else. Sure you can use it to pi55 them off, but how does that help YOU? It doesn't. Oh, and then, whatever you did in anger is one more thing that "you did wrong."


AND

I know about lonely too (it's been 2 years for me). My only advise there is decide what you want and if you decide to leave it and move on be done "officially" before involving anyone else. It isn't fair to them or you.

I can't agree enough.

Decide what your course first. Maybe it'll take a bit, cool your jets while you figure it out.

Then IF it's a split you want, spend some time to get your stuff together before you involve someone else, otherwise they're just cleaning up the wreckage.

It isn't right to use someone else as a rebound.



Why is it obvious?

From your post, it probably IS obvious, but remember that everyone here is only seeing a small part of the picture.

Let's say she IS having an A. How does that make a difference?

Is there a boundary there that you would enforce if she is having an A?

It comes down to this. Only you can decide whether to stand or not. Only you can decide where your boundaries are that would cause you to stop standing.

Is it bad behavior? an EA? a PA? What are you willing to do or put up with for your marriage?

Decide those things first. Until you have the horse before the cart, snooping is only going to keep you in a cycle of hurt.

Snooping isn't going to help you in ANY way.

FWIW, my X did almost ALL of those same things. I know it sucks.

Oh, and this...

**We decided to go see a fertility specialist last April because we were having problems getting pregnant, after deciding to have kids. By the end of July, she tells me she started taking the pill. I asked why she would do that and I got all these lame excuses.

You're right to raise an eyebrow to this if the marriage goal was to have kids, but...

Under NO CIRCUMSTANCES should a person have kids in order to "save" a marriage.

At this point, with your doubts and her behavior, it would be the very definition of irresponsible to try to have kids unless A LOT of things got worked out first.

Kids won't save a failing marriage, they'll only be collateral damage and victims of one's own selfishness if brought into this world for that reason.

The pain you're feeling is a scratch in the paint compared to what a child goes through.

FWIW, my XW talked about having a third or adopting about a year before the D.

She was trying to find her way. She was trying to find a way to stay connected to the family unit. It wouldn't have made a difference, and it would have wrecked one more life.

They're going to find "their way," regardless, or in spite of, us. All we can do is be strong, and not become the wreck this threatens to make us.



Be strong.


Punkt.