I wasn't sleeping well because i was thinking about B... now I'm just having trouble falling asleep for other miscellaneous reasons, but not because I'm thinking about B. Progress!!
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Why? Are you worried he might not respect you if you did so? IMHO it's entirely reasonable to be confused about what career route to take after graduating.
Thank you for saying "believe in yourself and brilliance will follow." I think I need to post that somewhere in my apartment! I think I am afraid he will be overwhelmed by the depth of my existential confusion (which has abated somewhat) if I really open up to him about it. There is a lot of self-doubt and frustration inside me.
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Are you really wondering WHY he wants you to know about the website, or am I misreading because of the way text comes over on the page?
The reason I'm wondering about the website is--I think on one level he is just trying to include me in what's going on. On another level I have studiously avoided looking at any of his online stuff, even though he's told me about his website, blog, etc because I am afraid of stumbling upon evidence of an OW, or looking at his facebook and seeing that it says "in a relationship" or something. So part of me is afraid that if he is with someone else, he would try to let me know by indirectly directing me to look at his facebook or something, instead of just telling me! Maybe he thinks I've already looked at it and already know! This is of course all in my head!!!
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T, Lovely, would you not say that you're happy? What would happiness look like to you? How will you know when you ARE happy if you're not? Maybe we could write some happy goals (much more fun than any other type of goal.... \:\) )
When I posted that awhile back I was feeling really unhappy, but I am feeling happier now--I think I was completely in my head and struggling to solve my problems with my mind instead of just tending to my everyday present moment and having the next step bloom out of that. What happiness would look like: I am in a place that I want to be, I'm financially secure, I am doing music that I am excited about, I have good friends that I spend time with, I am happy with my living situation, I am excited about how I spend my time everyday, I am planning fun adventures. Something like that. Right now I am in a pretty uncertain transitional place, if that makes sense!
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I also wondered, are you still DBing? Is the plan still to reconcile with B?
I would say...yes. But part of me is sort of like, "I'm not sure about this guy." I think I am learning to actually put myself first instead of trying to make myself look happy to be more attractive to him. I am also questioning whether what I am doing is "working", I feel like it's brought me this far but I am not sure there is any movement, and I feel like I need new tools or a new approach. I also feel like I need to take care of other things ... like my own life... right now. Which might be the new approach I need??
Thank you for being such a good question asker!!! I'm sorry it took me soooo long to write you back!!!
