W and I were supposed to talk on the D details this weekend - actually V-day night - how romantic! She was too tired and went to bed. Sunday night she made her special vodka cream sauce pasta and I ate up two platefuls (take note).
While cleaning up after dinner, she told me we still need to talk and that she wasn't avoiding the subject last night (heaven forbid). Anyway, we started talking on the some details and then she (again) threw out the comment "I hope we can still be friends after this is over". It hit me the wrong way this time and I said if she didn't want my friendship in the M, why in the world would she want it now. She also wanted to get the D over in more like 60 days even though my L said in our county it takes more like 6 months. It went downhill from there, and I eventually took off in my car. I drove around for 40 minutes then came home.
When I came home, I was freezing even though it was only about 35 outside. I went to bed and got the chills. Then around 10:00pm I got up and threw up violently for a couple of minutes, and then staggered back to bed. This morning I had flu like symptoms, all achy and could only get up for work around 10:00am.
I thought I was on board of the D train, but something in my body told me I was not last night. I guess the reality is sinking in. After getting very physically fit last year, one of my goals this year was to make my mind as strong and fit as possible. Last night, my mind and body collapsed. A new low, but one I don't want to linger on. I know there's new highs in my new future.