...but mostly I am humiliated beyond belief. The shame that I feel is astounding. Not that I feel like it is my fault that he cheated, but more that I put up with it and that I feel everyone must have felt so sorry for me.
Yep, know that feeling OH SO WELL! Sounds like you are the kind of person that I am and the last thing you want is someone feeling sorry for you. Again, what I've discovered is that imagining that what other people are thinking about you is a lot like imagining you done when thinking what all your X MIGHT have done with others, and when. Your mind will tend to run with things and go to the worst case scenario. Bottom line is that you have no way of knowing what they are really thinking, so don't let it bother you. Chances are that they might very well be feeling sorry for your H because he is losing someone like you!
Good job on setting the boundaries with you H. Squash his verbal abuse, give him short replies via text to take away his "concerned about the kids" excuse. After the divorce I went for a period of probably 2-3 months where I would answer the phone when my X called, I used txt. It worked... she quit calling to bitch and complain.
As for D, yeah, take the high road. We all know that and it is MOST DEF the proper way to handle things. You prob haven't read my sitch but I'll give you condensed version. Four kids, married 17 years. X goes nuts with affairs, one was very public and my two oldest daughters heard the rumors and saw the aftermath. To this day I won't tell them anything beyond the most general things. As much as I think it would serve her right to have to answer to her kids on what she did, I DO NOT want the kids to think poorly of their mother. I worshipped mine and would like for them to have the same opportunity. My X, and you H, are doing enough damage on their own part, no need to dog pile. Kids, and everyone else, will figure it out on their own.
