She came over last night (with beer..which means she wanted to talk) and discussed this in more detail. She mentioned that as much as she has thought about recon. she doesn't trust herself to be faithful; and she doesn't want to put me and the kids through that again. Which I agreed was best.
She also detailed her struggle with God and quoted various parts of the Word that condemn her. I can tell from this that she has obviously been in the Word as these are Scripture that we never shared together. I'm happy that she's searching. She still thinks that God may want her to be in a better place individually before she would reconcile; while I can't judge her feelings on the matter, I think she's being misled.
I told her that there is NO way she could work on herself, in regards to reconciliation, while she's in the midst of an affair. She believes that her R with this guy is God-driven; again I told her that I think she's being misled by the Devil. But if she's adamant that she doesn't want to drop him and come back to the family; that I was done discussing it as I had stated what God had placed upon my heart.
Again, she mentioned that after she's "worked on herself" that she hopes it isn't too late for us. Her 5 year plan!! I had no response.
All in all, I think last night was an attempt to determine if I was still "in-wait." She still talks to her GFs like she always has and started discussing her social life again; like I was her BFF. She has not changed; but if she's really searching for God, I pray she finds Him.
Today, she is supposed to come over while the kids are at school and we are to strike up a settlement. Pray for me that I can be strong and do what's best for my kids.
