OT is sooooo right on about the detaching and intimacy. Glad to hear you are having a great weekend. Me too! And it's wasn't some earth shattering romance. I'm just happy in me and appreciate the people around me here and now.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
IT has been raining so son and I "camped out" in the living room by the fire place. Wife still did sleep in son's room anyway...BUT..Today she worked most of the day in her "office" fixing her bed.... So let me back track a little. Son and I slept in living room by the fireplace all night. I got up as usual 6:00am and showered and made breakfast. Son got up.( He usually sleeps in with Wife until 9:00 - 10:00am) at 8:00. I asked of he wanted breakfast and he said yes so I made it for him also. Wife got up about 9:30 and showered and then went into her office. Son went in to see her and she started grumping about all of the noise we were making and how she had to get up and put ear plugs in. I thought to myself 'here we go I will be getting the cold shoulder treatment today' But I was wrong. When I went to talk to her she acted 'normal" no remark about noise or ear plugs... Surprise surprise surprise....
So she did move her stuff out of son's room. I mentioned to son if he wanted to..him and I could go to the store and get some stuff for "his room". Wife piped up that she wanted to do that. I said that's fine.. If she wants to take him go ahead… Then she said she was too busy so I could do it. So son and I went and found a few things but not what he wanted so I told him tomorrow we can go into the next town and look. When I got home I told wife what we planed and told her either she can come along with us if she wanted or or if she wanted to take him by herself I am ok with that. Again she said would be too busy so I guess son and I will be going.. I was going to go to the coffee shop tonight for some me time and to read but......
Today’s dare.. Day 4: Love is thoughtful
Contact your spouse sometime during the business of the day. Have no agenda other than asking how he or she is doing and if there is anything you could do for them.
SO what I did was helped her clean son's room and then I cleaned the carpet in the family room and then she wanted me to clean the floor in the family room. So I was too tired. This was really not a dare. I have always done this. Now tomorrow is a real dare....
Later Doc
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
How hard can it be to sleep in another room? My husband was sick one night this week, and I spent approximately 20 minutes cleaning my daughter's room, putting fresh linens on the bed, retrieving my toothbrush from the master bedroom, and voila! I had my own room. And it was so nice to sleep in a room alone, with fresh sheets, and my own bathroom, but I digress.
How hard can it be to sleep in another room? My husband was sick one night this week, and I spent approximately 20 minutes cleaning my daughter's room, putting fresh linens on the bed, retrieving my toothbrush from the master bedroom, and voila! I had my own room. And it was so nice to sleep in a room alone, with fresh sheets, and my own bathroom, but I digress.
Let's see....
How hard can it be to have an affair? (I couldn't but to some it is easy) How hard can it be to not have an affair? (I find this one easy, but for others it is not so easy or none of us would be here) How hard can it be to forgive your spouse? (This one is hard but I am getting there) How hard can it be to not to kick the OM A$$..
Ok I will confess if he lived closer it would be harder...
Sara, I am trying not to judge others. This journey has me really working on myself. I know it was meant to help my marriage but for some reason I am questioning my own thoughts and actions. Especially on judging others. The woman I work with may come into work and be a real Bi%ch. But how do I know what her home life is like? How would I know if she just found out her husband was cheating on her? Or her husband is abusive? I do not know what is causing her attitude so I can not judge her. I do not know what was so difficult with this move either. I am not a head doctor.. (Though I played one on TV).. Maybe this was hard on wife because now she is "alone". Maybe sleeping in son’s room gave her comfort. Maybe now it will be easier for her to seek comfort in me..
I just got back from taking son out to get stuff for his room. WE had some great Father Son time / talks. Even though wife before said son was not too happy about her moving out of his room….. you could sure have fooled me. This morning (his first night in his own bed) he told me he slept GREAT. He was telling me what he wanted in his room. We took down all the "baby posters"... He wants the night light taken out... he seems really happy to get his own room back..
So yes Sara it might have been easy for you but for some reason it was not for my wife.. So I do give her credit for moving out of her comfort zone. This move was for all of us. All three of us are going to benefit from this...
Now I want to commend you on cleaning up your husbands.."Mess" this is another area that some find easy others don't. I personally do not like it myself but when I was raising my D's by myself someone had to do it. As for my wife? She gets sick thinking about someone throwing up. I have found that it is easier for me to clean up after son gets sick than to wait for wife to do it and then I end up cleaning up after her also... Ok now this may sound strange to everyone but I do think I had a break through today. Wife asked me to clean the bathroom floor. Ok this is good because you might ask? Well this is communication. Wife very rarely asks me to do anything. I have needed to be a mind reader. ”she should not have to ask me. I should be able to see it needs to be done” I have been told so many times before. And all along she would be irritated becasue I had not done it…. So I am more that happy to fulfill this request...
I have not done today’s dare yet.....
Day 5: Love is not rude
He who blesses his friend with a loud voice early in the morning, it will be reckoned a curse to him.
—Proverbs 27:14
TODAY’S DARE
Ask your spouse to tell you three things that cause him or her to be uncomfortable or irritated with you. You must do so without attacking them or justifying your behavior. This is from their perspective only.
Well I still need to go do the bathroom I will return after I do this dare..
Later Doc
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
OK, fine. Maybe I am judging. But I am happy to hear that your son is happy with his own room. It was nice of him to play along with Mom that he was sad to see her go down the hall. But only she could have really believed it.
