WAW: Watching & Waiting (part deux)

[AJM]

"However, the 'why' for me is NOT to reward the dog for staying in the yard.. the 'why' for me is to keep him safe.

The 'why' to the dog is to earn the reward and do AS I WILL.

If the dog only thought to the 'why' is that he's being rewarded & he likes the reward he may continue to do the behaviour, until the dog begins to think the 'why' might be controlling and not an equal relationship, as he doesn't understand the intentions of keeping in the yard in the first place."

You strike me as a highly controlling person. Perhaps I'm wrong and you do really want a dog, although in human form. Is it possible your H wasn't able to articulate his feelings very well and when you tried to control him (consciously or sub) his reaction was less than appropriate to and towards you?

In your posts, I hear you talking about you both, but I see you talking about him and his faults mostly. I'm curious about that. I'm wondering if a relationship is possible if only one direction like that. Responsibility is a tough thing, I know. I realize that you have to have two people in the relationship that are both trying. I realize that it can feel like you are even if you are not.

I'm just curious. You don't have to answer if you do not want to.

In my own situation, my W and her brother and mother all have a tendency to look for the one negative to justify their reasons for their behavior. She's done it. It surprised her when I changed that behavior. It was negative behavior on my part. I'm not perfect and I'm not beyond changing. I don't think you're beyond changing either and I think I hear that you don't really want to leave. Nor do you really want your H to let you go. You fight it. You are fighting for control of not just yourself but of him from the sound of it. My WAS seems to be doing similar although not likely for the same reasons.

Did I miss something you've already stated? Did I miss what's going on? I'm trying to catch up.

AJ