I'm conflicted on one front -- I'm taking the stance that if She wants out, then fine, but she is on her own. To follow through on this also means setting her off with her down payment on a condo, and watching her consume that to pay for rent in the next 18 months (i.e. she will never be able to buy a place if she can't find a well paying job within 4 to 5 months). It is an evaporation of an estate and nest-egg that my DD5 could use if we continue to live together until STBXW finds a job (a year in my estimation). It's a conflict of DB strategy and emotional well-being vs. watching out for soft-landing for STBXW and DD5.
Any thoughts or advice on any of this?
I think your current plans are excellent. It's normal to be concerned about your DD, but things will work out fine for her. I think if you do this: your W will find a job or other ways to pay for expenses and she needs to do that with the multiple cake-eating behavior she's been doing. Gee, she might have to cut down a little of her workout time and spend more time on working or whatever, have to worry about finances like most of us, and face the real world a bit. I think your W will probably try to play the guilt trip on you about DD, and you shouldn't let her do so. It's your W's actions that are causing her consequences, and she needs to face that and not blame or guilt you about that. I think you are doing 100% the right thing. You have DBed and now it's time for her to face reality and stop with all the cake.
I think your dd will in the long run benefit b/c having her mom act like that with no consequences, how can that be a good thing?
