Well, I made it 24 hours. At least 24 hours without posting here to my own thread. I did not spend near as much time on here as I have been. Just a quick rundown.

Friday night. Went to class. Went as saw H at work after class. Just hung out. No R talk. Stayed for 1.5 or 2 hours. I left. Cried all the way home and to sleep. Woke up in the middle of the night, which I haven't in a long time. Mind was spinning. Saturday got up and went to class. Saw OW at the place where we all eat lunch. Of course she didn't acknowledge me. But she didn't stay and eat there either. So that was nice. You know, it's just one of those things that can help MAKE YOUR DAY. :P Shush.

Saturday night. Cried myself to sleep that night too. Anyone seeing a pattern here? He did text me on his own volition Saturday and kept it up for awhile, but then it finally stopped. I would text something that did not need a reply but he would reply anyway. So I dunno. Got down on my knees and prayed Saturday night. Haven't done that in a very long time. Have prayed, yes. On my knees, by the bed, not since I was five.

Today (Sunday) went to class early. Told Prof the whole deal. He said I have a good heart. He is clergy, too. I appreciated him saying I have a good heart. I realized that I am NOT that kind of person. I loved my husband dearly. I still do. But. It didn't always get given back, and then I didn't have any to give back to him. So I realized that two affairs does not a person make. They don't define me. They don't say anything about who I am. Just like his drinking doesn't define him. Does that make sense? Just to an extent? There are so many things that make up an individual. How is it possible to lump them all in one pile?

So here I am tonight. Not crying! Realizing (hopefully) that I have to let go and let God. I have faith...or I should have faith...or I need to have faith...that God's will will be done. Maybe I need to get out of the friggin way and let him do it. I have faith that His way will be the right way, even if it's not what I want. That where I am is where I'm supposed to be. There's a reason. There better be a reason!!

Anyway. Ya'll can laugh about this tonight. H called to drop off D4 at 4:45 or so. I was at movies by myself watching "He's Just Not That Into You," so I didn't text him back until 5:20. Then I told him I would be home in an hour and he could drop her off then. At my convenience. lmao, but I had a few errands I wanted to run. So now here it is 7:55 and he hasn't brought her by yet. So now he's just trying to be snotty I guess. That he'll drop her off when it's convenient for him. I know, I should go take and hour long bath...not answer the door...but I won't. ;\) I'll be nice. Knew ya'll would get a laugh out of that.

Puppy, I understand you're not having any advice. I appreciate your words. Just wonder what your impression is of H's feelings. Do you think if he wanted the D, he'd have already gotten it, or do you think he's just putting it off for whatever reason, still trying to work through stuff? You are a man on that side of the fence.

Breakaway. It's the one with the water tower. I'm the only Melissa there!

Will check back in tomorrow night and NOT BEFORE. New rule. Gotta find normal stuff to do.

Melissa

"Standing knee deep in a river and dying of thirst."

1,2,3