((((((n_a)))))) Haven't seen you in a while! How are you doing?
((((((Lisa)))))) You know that she is an English cat, right? She's well travelled!
I wen to visit the doc today. After poring over my lab results, and tickling my feet, applying facepaint, and saying some unintelligible incantations, he indicated that I might live a while longer. At least he scheduled another appointment for me in three months. (On the diabetic schedule.) My labs were such that if I didn't have the previous evidence of diabetes there would not have been any suspision. (Right on the top edge of the normal range.) My cholesterol is still misbehaving, but no worse than it has been. I put a couple or three pounds back on, I have been eating the right stuff (see blood sugar numbers) just too much of it (see scale). So, what I really need to do is exercise. I've got some ideas of some exercises that I could do, but they require a partner....
I did complain about being tired a lot, even when I think I've had enough sleep. I've been finding myself falling asleep, or close to it, in front of the computer at work, not really a good plan! It could be the AD, so we adjusted the doseage to give that a shot.
W said last night that S20 wants to accept her (our) offer to help him with college. That is a change (he has an independent streak), but a good one, I think. It does mean that we will have to take that into account in figuring out the financials, but he is planning to live at home, so that will keep the cost down quite a bit.
She wants to tell the kids Feb. 26 (Thursday). They don't have school that day or the day after, it's the rodeo holiday! We live in the Wild West, remember! On that Friday the plan is that I'll take the two little ones up to Flagstaff, as they have been invited on a skiing adventure by S19. I'm supposed to tell him before they do. She thinks that doing it like will give them some time before going back to school, as well as show them that they will still be seeing both of us, and that we will still both be their parents. We haven't talked yet about how will will tell them, but I know we have to.
I think that's all the news that's fit to print! I need a nap.... Good thing I don't work tomorrow!
I have a couple of books that have suggested dialogue for telling kids, if you'd like.......
Hugs
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
morning friend. thanks for bein my knight in shining armor friday nite. I really appreciate it! hope you are well, hugs!
M 36 XH 34 3 children If a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand. Mark 3:25 "your mood swings are giving me whiplash" twilight ALIVE FREE AND HAPPY 2010
In Love Without Hurt, there's a part on co-parenting. It talks about how divorce does not end your relationship with your spouse.
He says "both parents must understand the following: Anything you do to harm, put down, or in any way denigrate your former partner, no matter how true it might be, directly and profoundly harms your children"
He has a compassionate parenting contract that both parents sign, in the back of the book. It's good.
I can't remember where I read how to tell the kids.....short term memory lapse. lol
To paraphrase it.......Mom & Dad both love the kids tremendously. Dad loves Mom because she's their mom. Mom loves Dad because he's their dad. But, Mom & Dad aren't going to be married anymore. The kids will have both mom & dad always, & the kids won't have to give up their friends, school or environment. (if that's true of course) which is the main thing the kids are going to need to know.
Doc says kids are fine as long as they keep their friends, their stuff, & their school.
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
To paraphrase it.......Mom & Dad both love the kids tremendously. Dad loves Mom because she's their mom. Mom loves Dad because he's their dad. But, Mom & Dad aren't going to be married anymore. The kids will have both mom & dad always, & the kids won't have to give up their friends, school or environment. (if that's true of course) which is the main thing the kids are going to need to know.
Doc says kids are fine as long as they keep their friends, their stuff, & their school.
Sorry, this is BS and lies! Tell "Doc" I said so and I do not have 30 years in CBT! But I have a strong mind and heart and I do not make money telling you what you want to hear. Mom and Dad got married because they committed to each other. If Mom is "sick" dad must take care of her. If Dad is "sick" Mom must take care of him. Coping out of this major promise and lying to your kids about it, because they will still have their "friends, school and their stuff" makes them believe this is just fine.
That sounds about right. I don't know that I like the "kids will be fine" part.... I know that in the end they will be, but that almost makes it sound like it will be easy, and we all know better.
I completely agree with not putting each other down. I think the older two have enough awareness that they can handle that on their own. And I don't want to do anything to mess up the little one's relationship with their mom.
Both kids are changing schools next year, in any case. S14 will be moving to high school, and will be going to the same school in either case. S11 will be moving up to middle school, and if this does happen, he will be going to a different one than most, if not all of his current friends. But, he is really good at making friends, and he will be close enough to still see his good friends on weekends, just as he does already.
W has tried to toss the guilt trip of not following up on our commitments to the kids onto me again. It just continues to prove that she is content this way, and would rather not change it. So, I am going to have to do it. To me it isn't "either/or". I did tell her I would not continue this way. Then she questioned my commitment to the kids. That makes me angry. You know, if she was committed to the kids she could do something to try to make this work. Next time I might throw that at her, but I don't really look forward to World War III. And, I'm sure that in her mind she "tried" for years. I think cookie mentioned that on her thread..... nagging and complaining is "trying" from her (W's) viewpoint.
Despite her lack of enthusiasm for M, she obviously would have "stuck it out" for the kids.
But it doesn't change the fact that a M can be a lot more. And should be. And you want that. And you are entitled to feel that way and to try for that.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
hey you me too. i couldnt have done it without you. did you get my email??
Hugs
M 36 XH 34 3 children If a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand. Mark 3:25 "your mood swings are giving me whiplash" twilight ALIVE FREE AND HAPPY 2010
She's well travelled!