Standing on the Edge

[native]

Guys....I am reluctant to say this, but I think she pushed me over the edge this time.

As much as I want my D to have a family, as much as I feel W is in a fog and making an unfortunate choice....I just feel like she took the wind out of me this time.

She blasted me on Valentines day for a string of imagined faults and misdeeds. Her unfounded accusation fest drove me to the point of loosing it. I walked away from her car cursing her for her stubborn wrongheadedness and hatefulness. I have no respect for her any longer. She does not deserve me. I am not a bad person. She is sick.

After this incident, I followed up with a few text messages, apologising for my loss of self control but not for my anger at her completely shitty way of dealing with me.

Eventually she called me and here is her confession:

Basically she acknowleded that she is behaving in this manner because she feels guilty about leaving the relationship and that she needs to 'own' her behavior instead of blaming me, but that she doesn't love me and wants to move on and date other people.

I really don't care anymore. I feel for the guy who gets involved with her. I think many other guys would have cheated on her within the first year. Few would have put up with the [censored] she dumped on me.

My one and only sorrow is my daughter. After listening to a christian radio broadcast where a teacher was talking about how they try to create an opportunity where their children can talk about anything, I gave my daughter that opportunity last night.

About 45 minutes after I made the offer that she could talk about anything she wanted to, she broached the whole issue of her mother and I. She wanted to know where she was gonna be.

Oh God...........my sweet little girl..........

I told her that her home was always and forever here with me,she could see mommy anytime she wanted, that I would always love her, her mommy would always love her, that I would always love her mom (in some way) and that God would take care of us and that we would be alright.

She said she like being with me because Mommy was crabby a lot.

God help me to protect this precious child. She is the apple of my eye......