Going dark and LRT are tricky things...but I think both of them should be about you first and foremost - not him. I went dark after my wife moved out (I prefer to call her B) and it's made things much worse - but, as I've come to see, this is the only way I could have gotten to where I need to be - where I live my life separate from her and seize my life as my own in a healthy way. My T recently said to me, "how can two people complete each other and still friends? That's like saying you're both inadequate." He didn't say that to me months ago when I first started seeing him - he seemed to have waited until I was ready to hear it...and I think sometimes that's what comes with having our own safe space away from our spouses.
In my case, B became increasingly abusive and threatening (to call police, etc) - and so going dark was also done in order to protect myself from her anger and threats. I don't know if going dark is what everyone needs, however - as sometimes LRT just means you turn your attention to your life in such a positive way that you finally rediscover yourself as you would be without your S. I think you have a great sense of your own happiness - but I do want to ask you something...forgive me if it's too forward...why do you want to be with your husband? Is there something he offers you that you can't do for yourself? Is it legitimate? Does fear stop you from feeling the deeper emotions under the fear? (fear did that to me - for MANY months - now I know that whenever I feel fear, there is something in me I have to address, no matter how painful or sad).
When I explored that question at some remove from B I found a completely different answer than I had expected...a life changing answer....I had to set aside what I had hoped for (family, mother with me and my son, preserved unit, the dreams that brought us to where we were before the bomb) and just take the time to think about why, of all people in this world, did I want to be with B? For some, asking that question leads to a real commitment to do what it takes to save the marriage - for others - it means accepting the end of the marriage...but for both I think the solution is the same - whatever it takes means you stop thinking about his anger and his issues and the reasons for why he left - and you start focusing instead on becoming the best person you could possibly be (which I know you know) - but even if you decide the marriage is over (as I did) you still have to do the same thing...be happy with yourself and love yourself in the healthiest of ways. If you love your H unconditionally, and want him back (without expectations and without wanting him to fulfill your needs) than you'll be able to do it...and I think it's vital to GAL/PMA and find yourself in the deepest of ways for that to work.
