WAW - Very confused and devestated - pt 2

[confusedinpa]

It's been an interesting Sunday morning with ups and downs.

Our kids woke me up when they came into the room. I told them that it was ok to wake up at that time (6:45 AM - usually it's 6:30 AM everyday, so I was grateful they slept in).

Anyway, I brushed my teeth and went downstairs to the family room. My wife was still sleeping/resting on the loveseat recliner. I sat next to her and she reached out to invite me for what seemed like a hug - I suspect she thought I wanted one. Anyway, we hugged and talked lightly about what we were doing that day. Then the kids wanted in on the action after about 15 seconds (sigh - gotta love the kids).

Anyway, she then made an incredible breakfast which I gave a eagerly acknowledged and thanked. She seemed happy.

Then we went out to run some errands. I noticed she wasn't wearing her ring, so I casually pointed it out. She just said, no she's not wearing her ring. She has done that a few times on the weekend when she's running errands. It caught my eye as I had talked with her about the 5 Languages book about people where Gift is a primary/secondary language, the rings are important sign of love. Gifts are very low for both of us. I must remember not to overanalyze and to "break free of my emotions being tied to her actions".

On the way to the first stop, she grabbed my hand to touch her leg as it was throbbing (it was). I wound up touching/resting my hand on her leg a few more times (never for more than 15 seconds). I tried to hold her hand, but stopped quickly when I sensed she wasn't "feeling it".

Our next stop was to a book store as I had them hold a copy of Love without Hurt for me to pick up. When I got it, she asked me what I picked up. I showed her and it seemed to put her off slightly. Of course as we were walking through the bookstore, we walked by a display, where one of the books was "Congratulations on your Divorce" was the title. She paused and just commented how the "5 Languages of Love Book" was there now - she couldn't find it before V-Day and had to order it. Not sure if that was just a "distraction" comment or what.

We then went to do our grocery shopping. We hurried through as my 2 year old was cranky/tired as it was well past his nap time. She really gets stressed when my youngest flips out. I know that's not a good time to touch or try to be loving to her. I tried to support her, but she was really on edge. When we got in the car, I urged her to breath and to just "keep swimming". It lighted her mood somewhat as she was able to laugh and joke a little.

She did make a really nice lunch for us. We put our youngest down for a nap. She said she was going to take one as well. Very unusual - I'm usually the napper, like I mentioned in an earlier post, it really feels like we're reversed.

Anyway, while she was napping I continued to straighten out my den - something she has been bugging me about for a while. I had made a lot of progress on it over the last 2-3 weekends, so I was just doing some minor organizing.

She interupted me as her back was bothering her so she asked for a massage. Of course I obliged. My 6 year old interrupted after 2 minutes, as he wanted me to play video games with him. In the past, she felt that was my priority over her, so I asked him to wait or play another game that he knows how to play.

We then joked lightly about how in the past if she complained about her back, all she would get would be a blank stare or an emotionless "Oh" or at best "You should use the back thumper". I then told her how she has my full undivided attention and I'm sorry that it took something like her filing for divorce to wake me up. She was really starting to relax.

After another short period of time, my son came back to ask for help playing video games again. I asked him to wait again, but my wife told me that her back was fine now so I should go and play with him. Before I went down, she asked me to crack her back though - which of course I obliged. I started by giving her a hug and she joked about it's suppose to be a crack of her back, not a hug. Anyway, I cracked her back and I know I pushed it when I tried to give her a kiss and all she offered was a check.

I must remember I not doing this as a covert contract to get a kiss, this is something I'm doing because I love her.

There is still a lot of Sunday left.

I know there will be up and down moments, but I must not get either overly optimistic nor pessimistic. The brutal facts right now is she wants to leave me and has filed for a divorce. She hasn't found a reason to change her mind. She is still angry and hurt and resentful.

It is just the begging of week 6. There are only 98 weeks, before it will definitely be finalized.

I must stay focused, positive and strong. It is hard, but the reward of saving our marriage and keeping our family together is more than worth it.

I appreciate all your support and encouragement.