Oops!!.......I think I've dropped the rope!!

[Silent Chrleader]

Hey, Friends!

{{{{{snodderly}}}}}. It's so good to hear from you!!! I have missed your wisdom on my thread! Yes, I feel like I've been a particularly difficult "problem child" as far as DBing goes. But, I feel like I am perhaps finally getting to where I need to be.

I hope I'm wrong, but I don't think H is concerned about how he will feel going through the significant days in the next month. He is starting his new job, and is very busy and I just think he doesn't want anything to distract him from that. He doesn't want the headache. He wants to put it all in a box on the shelf and not deal with it. But, we all know that tactic usually doesn't last......but it may be a while before it all starts to boil over.

{{{{{BG}}}}} I can always count on you for warmth and encouragment. Thank you for that. And you know that I am always here for you too!! Ya know, I always thought that my love for my H was unconditionall. But I now realize that it really wasn't. You, and others like you on these boards, have shown me what uncoditional love really looks like. And I am truly forever changed because of that!! You are an absolutely priceless gem of a woman, BG!! Don't you ever forget that!!!

{{{{{Upside}}}}} Yes, I think the no contact is better for me, and I am feeling in a much better place now. I know that in all likelihood there will be more backslides in my future, but with the continued support and encouragement from my friends here, I know I will get through it.

In answer to your questions, yes I know S17 is definitely acting out in response to our sitch. He has admitted to doing some stuff in the past from long before H left, but that behavior has "exploded" in the past 6-8 months since the sitch began. Especially since he told me about H's confession to him about the PA with the secretary.

But I am seeing some real positives with S17. For example, yesterday my step brother called me and invited us to meet him and his mom and daughter at local pottery place. S17 went with me and he ended up making a decorative plate. His design on it had some gang symbols, with a circle aroud them and slash (ya' know....the symbol for "No"), and under these symbols he wrote "Intolerance is Ignorance". So, it's an artistic statement against gangs. I think this is a really good thing! He plans to put the plate on his dresser in his room where he can see it every day.

One really funny thing happened. When S17 and I were talking about what he wanted to put on his plate, he kept saying he wanted to say "Sodomize Ignorance". And I was telling him, no, that I did not think that appropriate, and I didn't want that in my house. He kept arguing with me, saying "Why not, what's the big deal". And in our debate his voice keeps getting louder, and each time he says the word "sodomize" I am cringing!! And I finally told him to keep his voice down!! He asked "why" and I said because it was embarassing me! By then he was frustrated and demands "What's wrong with the word sodomize??!!" Then it finally dawns on me and I ask him "Do you know what the word sodomize means?" He says he thinks so....it means to "end" or "destroy" or "stop" something. So, then I am suddenly trying my darndest not to laugh out loud and embarass him!! So, I whisper in his ear what the real definition of the word is! He said "No way!" I said "Yep, Way!" Then he said very sheepishly "Oh....Oops. Sorry!!" Then we both started laughing!!! It was hysterical! The best laugh I've had in a long time!

We told my stepbrother about it, and he told S17, "Well obviously my birthday present to you next month will have to be a dictionary!!" Then we helped him with alternatives to how he could say what he wanted to say on the plate, and came up with the phrase "Intolerance is Ignorance".

So, that is what we did for Valentines Day. We did pottery and then we all went to dinner at an Italian place. It was fun!