Itsy, Your posting didn't upset me....but....you will know when the time is right for the contact. The old saying "curiosity killed the cat" may have some meaning when we begin to "hunger" for contact and see where they are in their crisis.
Been there, done that. My xh was further along than yours and even after years on the lam, he hadn't changed much w/his pity story. The anger was gone, but the pity party continued. I had hoped he would have grown up and faced his demons. To this day, I believe he's still stuck in the "me" world and the Land of Oz continues to hold him hostage.
The only thing I would suggest is this. If you do plant contact him, just remember to accept him for who he is right now. Please understand that the man you knew is gone and may not ever be the way he was previously. Thinking back about my little curiosity venture, I have to admit I would have been better off not actually seeing and/or listening to him on his little pity pot.
Itsy, life is too short to put much stock in what they are doing or where they are at right now. I firmly believe that when the time is right, the door will open and some how, some way, the two of you will communicate once more. Until then.....continue growing and enjoying life.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Wnt to my C today and told him and why I wantd to contact ex and he said that I give too much power still to x... I will be detaching even more now probably all the way.... It's what is best for me and I know it but the heart still hurts at tims, back to GAl and moving more faster to detach complelety... ITSY
M54 H54 married 30 years Prostitues and Other women "100's" 10/7/2004 Prostitue/Junkie girlfriend 6/04-1/07? Left 1/5/05 returned 1/9/05 Asked h to leave 4/2005 Had to, prostitues OW 5/2005 not a prostitue Divorced 9/2006
itsy do you have myspace or anything else where we can chat. I would love to talk with you. It seems you have been thru so much and I am just 5 months into this. I would love to chat with you.
Itsy, Sounds like your c is telling you correctly. You are still giving your xh way too much head space right now. It's time now to turn the focus completely back on to you and your family. Your xh is a very lost soul who will most likely be inquiring of family members for years to come what you are doing, etc. It's their curiosity...trying to compare where we are with were they are.
Cut the apron string and send him sailing through the room. Set yourself free and enjoy your life.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
M54 H54 married 30 years Prostitues and Other women "100's" 10/7/2004 Prostitue/Junkie girlfriend 6/04-1/07? Left 1/5/05 returned 1/9/05 Asked h to leave 4/2005 Had to, prostitues OW 5/2005 not a prostitue Divorced 9/2006
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I had to talk to Ex this week. i have decided to get life insurance on him should he pass in the next 20 years so that i am secure financialy. It was very pleasant and nice. Nothing mean or hateful. i called him at the house where the OW lives with him...keep him on the phone for 20 minutes and had him laughing...We always have said "goodbye Babe when we end a call of course he couldn't say it because she was in the room...I called the home on purpose..to make OW ponder me
Then I had to call him Friday to inform him of the procedure and that a insurance man was going to contact hum and what it was all about. He voluntered to find a good quote for me and I told him that I had already done all the leg work and was very satisfied with my choice. We ended the call with him rushing to a meeting but he said Goodbye Babe first...made me feel good...even tho I should end the call he said it...Will have to contact him next week for the signing of the papers. My best girlfriend said to ""close the door and lock it" again after all this is done. I will of course take her advise she's been thru this with me since the beginning.
We were pleasant and he called his family dysfuntional what about himself...makes ya wonder what they think of themselves really...he would never call himself dysfuntional, but his mother father sister and brothers are...it's laughable... I don't have that need to call anymore and I did real well with the conversation. Keep him talking, and made him laugh did it on purpose to maybe upset OW...haha Gotta go just an update ITSY
M54 H54 married 30 years Prostitues and Other women "100's" 10/7/2004 Prostitue/Junkie girlfriend 6/04-1/07? Left 1/5/05 returned 1/9/05 Asked h to leave 4/2005 Had to, prostitues OW 5/2005 not a prostitue Divorced 9/2006
Itsy, I'm surprised that he would be so agreeable about the life insurance. Wonders never cease. I'm very happy to see that the conversation went well. Now your thoughts can settle down and refocus on you and your life.
Remember....they don't see themselves as part of the mix of their family. Some people will look in the mirror and never see their faults.
Your friend could be right about closing the door, but I wouldn't lock it completely. You have children together and there will come a time when you both will need to be present at functions, etc. It's okay to be friendly, but I wouldn't be in the mind of calling him all of the time. I think you know what's best for you in the long run on this one.
Itsy, you've grown so much since I spoke to you so long ago. Keep up the good work! The world is your oyster.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
he's a very agreeable person when things go his way...I think that sometimes he cares and that he will always love me but not in love. He is very nice on the phone as long as we do not discuss personal finanes betwen us. he had issues with money in his crisis. He has told my mom that he still loves me...and wonders way we all just can't get along..He loves me but is not in love with me...got that bomb in 2004or 2005...he fell out of being in love with me...my fault too I was always working at night when he got home and on Saturdays so i guess that he got lonely and fell outa love with me...plus the over the top MLC..I can understand it all it was my fault too but not compared to him
He is nice to me when he gets his way...and we do not discuss the past and money issues..I told him that i quit smoking for 4 months and returned to it becausee of job stress 2 years ago and that i was going to quit again and he was very happy for me sincere care I thought by what he said...it was one of his pet peeves..so I will quit soon after the carton is gone...he was surprised that I had quit at all...need the pill Chantax to do it tho need a doctor to prescribe it..
I will close the door..when we talked we talked about the children and their future goals i was surprised that he had talked to daughter 27 about her life and what she needs to do to get a career...very surprising to me since he hasn't cared about them like I thought he did..
The Ow moved in last fall when she lost her job..she's looking for another one I hear...but she waits on him hand and foot,very, very pleasing and accomadating to all...she's a pleaser.. not very good around the grandkids...she's never been married or had children...My S24 made it sound like "she just moved in" and Ex was just ok with it...that he really never asked of course to avoid responsibility should it not work out....he's not resposible. S24 moved out when she moved in, not a happy kid about that..
I will be seeing Ex for the first time probably in June at grandkids birthay party first time in 3 years..I will be mentally and emotionally prepared I am sure that he will bring OW this year. i have not been strong enough to see him until now .. I was still too upset and I was very angry ..extremely pissed..but this year i will go and see him and have a great time with all...may even take a man with me...haha..still not ready to date or see other men yet i work with counselor about those issues..And C is very good. i am fortunate to have found him because he is so good for me..
i have definitely come along way since 2004-2005-2006 first I stopped crying every day then the initial pain went away then the anger phase now acceptance is in play for me..i have come along way... thanks for responding to me , i really apppreciate it.
Take care talk soon Itsy
M54 H54 married 30 years Prostitues and Other women "100's" 10/7/2004 Prostitue/Junkie girlfriend 6/04-1/07? Left 1/5/05 returned 1/9/05 Asked h to leave 4/2005 Had to, prostitues OW 5/2005 not a prostitue Divorced 9/2006
