Man, I cannot fathom how God is working, after yesterday's nastiness.
I had told W that I would keep the kids all day Thursday and Friday the week they are on spring break, and she could have the Mon/Tue/Wed. She texted me this morning as she ALWAYS does after I stand up to her on something.
She said she would be keeping the kids Thursday and Friday. I could tell where she was going so I said that was fine, I'd do Tuesday and Wednesday instead of arguing.
She said no she was going to pick them up those days too, so I responded that spring break was special time, and I was willing to split 2.5 days with her.
We went down a cheeseless tunnel for a bit on it - and I finally said I wasn't doing the power struggle, I simply wanted 50% of the time with the kids. Glad I put a stop.
W, as usual, when she didn't get her way, ended up doing personal attacks, but I took it as an opportunity to WITNESS TO HER!
W mentioned something about divorce, and she said: "You know I have no money. And I won't do anything with you without a lawyer. You are a sneaky man. You are telling the kids untrue stories about me and you and is strange. Something is wrong with you."
So I poured Jesus on her!
I said: "I never say anything untrue, I even tell the kids if I'm unsure about a memory. It makes me so sad and feel so sorry that you attack me when I've just been fighting for my family for 2.5 years, and been 100% honest with you. Nothing is wrong with me. I'm so happy, growing closer to God, loving my kids. I'm not angry, and have no desire to fight."
W said, "I am not a fighter, but I will always be guarded about you. I'm sure you feel the same way. The only thing I care about is that you care about the kids. Everything else is fictional feel good stuff that I am sure will pass always has. "
So I poured MORE Jesus on her: "I am amazed at the relationship I have with the kids - didn't realize it was possible. I don't know what you mean about fictional, but if you mean God, oh, W, it is so amazing to have something REAL. I can't believe I even called myself a Christian before - what I had was so shallow and self-centered."
W: "Good for you."
I just left it there...
What an amazing thing - to take a HORRIBLE day, then have her approach in her usual controlling manner, and SOMEHOW turn it into an opportunity to share God with her?
I like that you were able to turn the day around and the way you did it. Your parents are a great support for you.
The kids will not understand principles until later but they will remember.
You did a great job of catching yourself repeating patterns and stepping away from them - there is a reason for making changes.
Your W definitely doesn't share the same principles as you but you can both change enough to make things work for the kids. You both will be in each other's lives for a long time -better to figure out how to manage it now.
Kassie - thanks for dropping in! I understand the need to change to accommodate new things, but I'll never compromise my morals and principles.
Also, I realize this breaks my dark probably, but 99% of it was about kids, just the last two texts, so I'm going to give myself a mulligan - especially if I'm breaking the dark to share God with W!
I feel SO much better now too - I know I did the right thing - the kids are already loving on me again. They will probably be a little touchy, but it's OK. I just need to be consistent with them, and pour love on them every day.
Just keep doing that. Keep on doing the right thing by your kids and even your W. She is the one who is straying big time and it bugs her to no end that you are not wavering. She is looking for something to make you the bad guy and when you keep shining it frustrates her.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
JD, Great job, you'll never have to look back with regret, as you are taking the high road. W may think she's in the catbird seat right now, but karma is a bitch. Her day will come. The question is will you be there to catch her when her world collapses.
I am probably the most pleased person on this thread apart from you. You stood your ground, you stuck by your principles and they that didn't have started to crack under the pressure.
I had a feeling that something like this would happen.
God bless you and your kids and I will pray for you all including your W.
I am so proud of you!!! Your kids do know what is going on and they can see what you are doing. You are loving them, spending time with them, caring about and for them. You do not talk bad about thier mother and they will remember that. As the old saying goes, give her enough rope and she will hang herself.
Again, God has not only sent you a sign (sending your parents to be there when OM showed up) but you truely have given everything over to God and he is working for you now. It may not be what we all want but you DO sound so very happy!
It's up hill now (maybe a few bumps but not big ones)
H-41 (alcoholic) Me-38 D-13 SD-10 T-6yrs M-4.75yrs Bomb-10/4/08 Moved in w/OW 11-13-08
Everyone - thank you so much for your support! You have no idea how much it means to me!
I am stuck in this very tough place - love my wife, love my kids, love my family - I know W is so lost.
I'm ready to move on, but not giving up on God. I have been pogo-ing between believing God can do anything, to insisting that I'm divorcing and moving forward, and THAT has been the crux of my problems dealing with issues.
I have found a great place - one where I believe firmly in the miracles God can perform, but also dealing with the reality of the situation - my own version of Coach's Paradox. I know someone else wrote it, but he uses it so well!
I could not think for the LIFE of me how anything positive could have come out of OM coming to the kid's game, and having to take them away from something they love. I had prayed so hard for it to NOT happen, and I couldn't understand why God wouldn't work that out.
But then I got past, cleared my head, and I looked back and I believe it was for one of two things:
1. God may be needing to have W find some respect for me - a starting point for his miracle. 2. God may have needed for W to find some respect for me - so she will allow me to be the father I need to be after we're divorced.
Either way - I win, and I show W that I will not compromise my morals and beliefs. Until the final decision happens, I will look at the hard days as they come, and remember how hard yesterday was. Yet I made it through, I stayed strong, and I came out on the other side a much happier and stronger man.
