I understand you wanting to teach the kids safety with the phone. I do the same with the girls, they aren't allowed to answer the phone unless they recongnize the caller on Caller ID.
Teeny tiny 2 X 4....
I think (don't hate me) you should let the caller ID thing go with your wife. So many WAS don't even want or care enough to say goodnight to their kids, I am thankful my xH does it, and I think you should be too.
OM is scum. W is out of her mind to pick him over you. W broke her vows, and continues to drag you down with her needlessly. This I know. I am on your side.
But...this says it all...
Quote:
They just need to know they are cherished.
They don't care where she calls from, just that she calls. I know it stucks. Believe you me, I know, xH has called the girls to tell them goodnight from numerous places that made me want to scream.
Your point's well taken. I should be thankful she cares enough to call.
But she does need to get over herself. She is no longer the paragon of motherly virtue she pretends to be. Her little comment that you quoted, "They just need to know they are cherished" is just a trite platitude ...but one meant also as a backhanded accusation that I, by contrast, do not cherish our children, that only she can.
Oh she truly does need to get over herself. I fully agree!!! And yep, she has lost the 'doing the best for the kids' card a long time ago.
She says that but if you look at her actions, it's doing the best for me and the kids come second." I agree with LWB, if she's calling at around the appointed time then I would just let it slide. But if she calls at other times, go screen away.
Oh, I was thinking another reason for the "evil" attitude they have is, well like in my case at least, I think my H seems me as an obstacle to his being happy. I'm keeping him from having a happy life with OW, paying alimony/child support will hamper his fun and vacations with OW, and he wishes I would just disappear so he could be 100% happy. I have to admit that I've had thought like that about him at some low points, tho I try not to, and I act as polite as can be, take the high road, etc. even if sometimes the thoughts I have!!! Karen
Hey NC, I just wanted to let you know that I'll be in your brother's part of the state tomorrow night. DD17 has to cheer at the basketball game against your brother's kids' school. Wish you were there also.
Hugs, Yoyo
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
That's cool, Yoyo! I wish I could be there too. Very much.
My beautiful and wacky niece plays clarinet in the H.S. band and is on the swim team. I miss them all a lot. I would love to see my nieces and nephew ...and meet you and your family too.
Insane day today... an insane evening last night... you'd have thought the moon was full this weekend instead of last weekend.
W has been having a fit over the list of items I put in a formal demand now that our house has been sold (last November). The list was relayed via the L's. It lists things like a couple of extra kitchen chairs placed in storage and a whole slew of toys, clothing and other gifts given to our sons by me and my side of the family. W has been castigating me thoroughly, trying to make it sound like I was robbing our children, when the reality is that they have been hoarded over at W's place by piecemeal -- items like stuffed animals and other cherished favorites have been flowing out of my place and never returning from W's.
But W is treating me like a monster for suggesting that the items given to our sons by my family and friends reside here instead. Oh, yes, it's all contrived, I know. She is trying to build a propaganda campaign to demonize me before everyone.
And she has the gall to say I am depriving my S's of the Wii. S8 had a fair week, but not a great week at school, and the rule was he had to have a good week before he would be allowed to play on the Wii on the weekend. So she had S8 all in a lather about the possibility of not getting to play the game system, and that I was being too hard-nosed and strict. At the same time she wants to imply I was a bad parent for rewarding our S's for having an exemplary day earlier in the week and completing all their responsibilities, by playing a game on a "school night".
Last evening I was not feeling well and had gotten home late from work, so I told S8 over the phone that I would pack up the Wii and bring it down this morning but not that very night.
Much as I am despising W for her overreaching entitlement to a game system I gave to my S's this past Christmas, and to make it sound like she's doing it solely for their benefit alone, not just to "stick it to me" yet again, I made good on my promise to deliver the Wii this morning.
If I never see that gift again either, I don't care. This is not about stuff as she wants to accuse me of. It's about the principles of fairness, decorum and civility. It's about right and wrong and about what's best for our children.
There have been a lot of heated emails today between us because of these issues. I can guarantee she's going to try to use whatever I have said against me in a court of law, should she make good on that threat. But I am tired of her allowing the evil blackness that has pervaded her heart to lead to such abusive and nasty behaviors. I am not backing down anymore, my back's already against the wall, and if I should happen to lose my kids over this (God forbid), then I will be able to at least face them in the eye some day.
I'll be glad when this stage of the process is over with.
But as for the list of items, whatever. I got a few of them back from W already, and I'm not going to die if I don't get them all back any how. As I told W in one of the emails today, her conniption fit over these items just proves to me how materialistic and petty she has become, not to mention willing to exploit her own children in an attempt to harm me further.
But as for the list of items, whatever. I got a few of them back from W already, and I'm not going to die if I don't get them all back any how. As I told W in one of the emails today, her conniption fit over these items just proves to me how materialistic and petty she has become, not to mention willing to exploit her own children in an attempt to harm me further.
I have the opposite problem. D9 has hundreds of toys and stuffed animals and H gets her new ones every weekend. I wish she would have more toys over there, but he hauls them back every time. I think it's probably a good idea to have half at each location, although I know D9 always has one favorite she has to have with her all the time that needs to be moved. I think most kids have too many toys anyway, I had like a dozen when I was growing up and a good access to library books and I was fine with that. The only thing is if she is taking most of their toys instead of leaving half with you, maybe limit them taking some or most of their toys over to her house so they don't disappear. Couldn't you even explain to your boys that you want them to have half their toys at each house. My kids are pretty good at understanding stuff is there's a reason.
I think your Wii punishment sounds like ones I do. I deprive S15 of computers and video games also when there is a reason. I always give a warning, but don't feel bad if I have to do that. It's the perfect punishment, really painful to S15, but really depriving them of computer & video games is probably good for them occasionally.
Personally, I think you should make the rules in your house and W shouldn't have anything to do with them. She shouldn't be making rules in your house or you making rules in her house. Esp. since she kind of sounds like a control freak. Unless it's a safety issue or something dangerous, which I don't think Wii would count! I am bummed that my H lets S15 play adult-rated violent games like Halo at his house which he knows he will never do at mine! And he has OW over there with the kids all the time. I'm just hoping having one decent parent will be enough!!!
Hey mister! I thought we were down to 'business/kids' talk only with the W. At least that's what *I* agreed for YOU to do...lol...
She's a big old mess, but YOU don't have to be. You can choose to better yourself, pick yourself up (even if it means with meds temporarily) and move on with your life. Don't let her drag you down, don't let her talk you into being the person she thinks you are, because you are not that person. You are much much better than that, solid gold actually. Don't let her view of you skew your own view of yourself.
Esp. since she kind of sounds like a control freak.
Gee, yah think?!?
I'm just funnin' yah, Karen.
Seriously, STBXW is most definitely plague with being a control-freak, though she insists she's not. Our MC even told her in a private session with her that that was the one thing she really needed to get a handle on. Imagine that -- a control-freak not having control over themselves.
As for kids having too many toys these days, I can only agree. That's partly why I agreed to S8's Christmas wish for a Wii, so that it would consolidate a lot of their gifts into a single big one. And I have tried not to characterize withholding the dame system from my S's as a punishment, per se, but that they have to earn the privilege to have play time with it. A carrot versus a stick, so to speak.
I worry that STBXW is getting confused herself and allowing her disproportionate sense of entitlement infect my sons, such that they think they are automatically owed time on the Wii by default. She used to be far more sensible in those areas than myself, but all this hullaballoo about my legal list of items has me concerned.
And I am also hoping that having one decent parent is enough -- and this ever building panic I feel for my S's, because STBXW is making motions to minimize that one decent parent in my case, is not really helping matters. I need to relax.
Karen