My first step out of Newcomers

[PositivelyMommy]

Kev,

You must be feeling a bit better because I see that you are helping newbies. That's excellent! Doesn't it feel good to offer a helping hand to others? It's very therapeutic. Keep up the good work, and we can pass our good thoughts to others and they can help others who follow. What a wonderful BB this is.

[davidswife]

Kev,

How was your night out? Let us know!

[Can it work]

Hi folks. Well, I had an absolutely fantastic night last night. I went out with the intention of enjoying myself and I must say that I succeeded. A lot of my W's friends were out and I spoke to them and managed to keep away from the whole subject of my W. I'm going to bath Wee Man tonight when my W goes out to the gym. The only bad thing about last night is that my health's not 100%. Everything comes at a price though I suppose.

It is good to help newbies sure enough PM. I noticed that you'd written to nerfus too. I advised him to move to newcomers though so he has a thread there now. His story sounded fairly similar to mine so I just thought I'd see if I could help.

[Can it work]

I've just come back from my IL's house. Both my IL's were out so it was just my Wee Man, my W and I. Pretty much as soon as I arrived though my W went out to give me time with my S. I bathed him and played with him for a bit. He was in high spirits so I enjoyed it. My W then came back before Wee Man went to bed. She's still being as dry as ever with me. I'd be lying if I said it didn't get to me still. Every time I see her I still get a knot in my stomach because I still love as much as ever. I know it will get easier with time though. I'm sure there's no surprises to anyone here that I wish I could flick a switch which would make my W want me again. I think I'm learning to be patient with time so that'll help me ride this thing out. In the mean time, I just need to keep enjoying my life as much as I possibly can.

My W had already heard from her friends that I was out enjoying myself last night. There's no way I could tell what she thought about it though. She just shows no emotion at all when I'm around. I did ask her why she hadn't gone out herself last night and asked me to watch Wee Man. It was her best friend's birthday. She told me she still didn't feel ready to go drinking. So, I guess that means she's possibly not enjoying her single life as much as I thought. She still wants a single life though and right now that's something I have no power to change. It's just the waiting game now.

Kev

[davidswife]

Kev,

I wouldn't read too much into anything she says right now. Just because she didn't go out last night doesn't mean that she's not enjoying the single life. She's obviously enjoying it enough to separate from you - sorry, but that's the truth.

Again, focus on you and your son. Don't read into things she says - stop trying to figure her out and spend your time figuring YOU out. It was great to hear what a great time you had last night. Keep up the GAL'ing and PMA.

Stacy

You're doing great - keep it up.

[Can it work]

Thanks Stacy. I guess I know what you mean about the fact that right now she must at the very least prefer being single whether she's enjoying it or not. I can't help but try and figure her out. I'm afraid it just comes naturally to me. I've always been the kind of person who searches for answers in everything. I am trying not to dwell on it too much.

It felt really good to know that I can still enjoy a night out. I was really worried about it but it turned out fine in the end. My W's friends were completely great with me. One of them was even possibly a little bit too friendly!! I was sensible enough not to go down that road though. It'd be a great story to tell the guys but not healthy for my M. I was flattered though. It's always good to know that you're still attractive enough for people to notice.

[PositivelyMommy]

Hi CIW, I know what you mean by it being flattered by other females. Can you somehow let your W know that you are being desired by other women? Can she find out somehow? People always want what other people have, I've found. Maybe if she saw you through her friend's eyes, she might have a change of heart.

I know my H is like that. If someone else pays me a compliment, he takes it like it's a compliment to HIM, confounding to me.

I know about the ego boost about being attractive to the opposite gender but it doesn't last beyond a couple of days, does it? I think people still need real relationships to be happy, ego-boosting flattering is just that, not much more. I always feel empty after a guy gives me a compliment. I think, 'He doesn't even know me, there's more to me than just looks.' Rather, a compliment from someone I love is extremely precious because it's real. How do you feel about that? Am I just too serious? Am I missing the point?

[Can it work]

Hey there PM. I can see what you're talking about by saying that interest from the opposite sex is just a fleeting feeling. Yes, I probably could have been with someone else on Saturday night but I never wanted to. In fact, nothing was further from my mind. It's not passion that I'm missing most about my separation. It's the day-to-day companionship that comes with being in a serious relationship/marriage that I really crave.

When my W and I were happy together, I too would feel a sense of pride if someone complimented my W. Now that we're apart though, I see it as a threat that so many guys took an interest in how she looked. I'm sure she won't rush in to anything serious though. At the end of the day I have to give her some credit for being responsible enough not to do that to Wee Man. I completely agree with you PM that a compliment from someone you love is worth 10 compliments from random people.

As to whether my W can find out that someone else was showing an interest in me, I imagine she probably will because there were a lot of her friends there seeing what was going on. In a way though, I'd rather she didn't because it was her best friend who was showing that interest. A random person I could handle but I think hearing something like that about your best friend would be horrible. She was chief bridesmaid at our wedding! In that respect, I believe she was flattering me, knowing that I went deeper than looks. She knows me very well. On the other hand, she'd also had a good fill of alcohol so that probably had a huge amount to do with it too. I'm just going to deny having any memory of any of it so as not to rock the boat.

[PositivelyMommy]

You're funny!

[Can it work]

I'll take that as a compliment PM. Thank you. That is unless you were being sarcastic? Lol.